Once More
by lostatseanomore
Summary: Karin's met the white-haired man--the one standing in her room at the moment--before...but where? Can he help her remember? Karin must find a way to recollect her past to right her future or risk losing everything. Ch. 12! HutsugayaxKarin, IchigoxRukia
1. Familiarity

**Disclaimer: Neither Bleach not its characters belong to me.**

**Hope you enjoy!**

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"The existence of forgetting has never been proved: We only know that some things don't come to mind when we want them."  
-Friedrich Nietzsche

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Karin nearly tripped as she entered the dark room. She fumbled around a bit until she found the light switch, and her bad mood grew worse at the sight of the room.

"Damn, Ichigo, you're a slob," she muttered under her breath as she kicked the piles of soiled clothes that completely covered the floor out of her way. "No wonder Rukia kicked you out."

Her brother had come home three days ago and reclaimed his room--it had been _her_ room since he moved out over four years ago--laden with the suitcases his pregnant wife had packed and left on the doorstep for him. "She's lost her mind," he'd explained.

_If I were married to Ichigo, I'd be crazy, too. Poor Rukia._

As much as she pitied her sister-in-law, though, Rukia had known full well what she was getting into, marrying her brother, and whatever "hormonal" issues Rukia was having or "hovering" issues Ichigo was having--they both altruistically pointed the finger in the other's direction, of course--Karin just hoped they'd be resolved soon. She really wanted her room back.

She stumbled to the bed, where she collapsed, exhausted. Her two-and-a-half hour soccer practice had gone over a whole half hour, and every muscle in her body ached terribly. Almost as much as they did after a training session with Yoruichi-sama; not quite, but almost.

She wanted to sleep. She had thought life would be a breeze after finishing high school. Boy, was she wrong. She now had to juggle work, university, playing university soccer, _and_ her secret shinigami training--Ichigo would kill her if he knew. Occasionally, she tried to slip sleep into her schedule, as well.

She sighed and rolled over on her side. Her long black hair, hanging from her ponytail, stuck to the drying sweat on her face and neck, but she didn't think she had the energy to shower. She finally managed to get up, though. Before vacating the room, she heaved the window open, to let the cool night breeze in to air out Ichigo's stench. She didn't care what he said; he could have the futon tonight.

She showered and returned to her room. It felt good to be clean. She opened the closet door and began sorting through her clothing. Her friend Aya was having a party tonight and Karin hadn't been quick enough to think of an excuse not to go. It's not that she didn't like parties, but something about getting wasted and waking plastered to the floor with your own vomit didn't appeal to Karin, and that's the only kind of partying Aya knew how to do. She was just about to settle on either a black mini sweater dress or ditching altogether when the wind picked up suddenly, causing the curtains to flutter wildly behind her. She turned, then did a double take. She could've sworn she saw a shadow hovering just beyond her window, but when she looked again, it was gone. She shook her head and tried to refocus.

The curtains rustled again, and this time she was _sure_ she felt something. She whipped around quickly and tightly grasped the towel that wrapped her body. "Yoruichi-sama?" she called.

There was no answer.

Karin grew angry.

"Yoruichi-sama, if this is a test, I've passed. I can sense your spirit pressure."

There was a flicker in the reiatsu she sensed, but Yoruichi still didn't show herself.

"This isn't funny!" she declared, angrily throwing a shoe out the window, into the night. Yes, it might be disrespectful, but what was Yoruichi doing hanging outside her window on her night off? She was not in the mood for another silly test.

"Ouch," a male voice--definitely _not_ Yoruichi-sama--emitted when shoe made contact with nose.

Karin gasped as whoever was out there released his hold on his reiatsu and let it go, full force. It was so powerful, it nearly choked her. Then, a tall, lean man with snow-white hair flew in through her bedroom window and landed fluidly on the ground. He wore traditional shinigami shihakushou, a captain's haori, and had a Zanpakuto tied at his hip. Karin couldn't find words to speak but she tried to rack her brain: _he's familiar looking? How do I know him?_

He didn't look at her when he spoke. "Still as petulant and undisciplined as ever, eh Kurosaki?"

Her temper flared. Who the hell was this guy?

He still didn't look at her. He stood, placidly, looking at something resembling a cell phone in his hands. That triggered something, that image, but she still couldn't put her finger on where she knew him.

Suddenly, she realized she was standing in her room, with a stranger, soaking wet, wearing nothing but a towel. She picked up another shoe and hurled it at him. "Get the hell out of my room!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

He dodged that shoe but his brilliant turquoise eyes shot up to her, wide with surprise. "You're not Kurosaki Ichigo." But instead of doing as she'd commanded, he tapped the screen of his phone. "Damn. Must be broken."

She screamed again, not exactly knowing what to do.

He rolled his eyes and gave her a look. "Must you do that?" he asked calmly.

"Yes, I 'must.' You're in my room!"

He stopped and looked at her for a minute. _Wait...I thought...__She shouldn't be able to see me._

"What do you want with Ichigo?" she asked, thinking it was the only question for which she might get a response.

His eyes narrowed slightly. He opened his mouth to respond but her bedroom door burst open.

"Oi! Karin! What're you yelling ab-" Ichigo questioned, but stopped cold when he caught sight of Hitsugaya. "Toshiro? What're you doing here?"

"That's Hitsugaya-_taicho_ to you, Kurosaki," the white haired man growled, crossing his arms.

Ichigo's gaze scanned from Hitsugaya to Karin, back to Hitsugaya, then back to Karin. His eyes widened and his reiatsu shot threw the roof. "_What_ the _hell_ are you doing with my sister?" he roared.

Hitsugaya sighed, exasperated. "Cool it, Kurosaki. I didn't even realize she was your sister."

"And that makes it okay?"

Hitsugaya waved his hand, unconcerned. "I was looking for _you_. Yamamoto-sotaicho requests your audience...immediately. I'm here to retrieve you."

"You can't just 'retrieve' me. I'm not a dog. You couldn't just send a hell butterfly?" Before Hitsugaya could answer, Ichigo turned to Karin. "Don't just stand there; put some clothes on, will you?"

Karin scowled at her brother. "Maybe I could if you moved this _enlightening_ conversation out of _my_ room," she snapped.

Ichigo sighed and turned to leave the room. He stopped before exiting, though. "Toshiro, get out of my sister's room. I'll meet you at Urahara's."

Hitsugaya grumbled something about "taicho" again as Ichigo left. He didn't leave, however, and looked over at Karin. He stared at her, studying her.

"Hey!" she yelled, making sure the towel was still secure. "Didn't you hear my brother? Get out of here, you perv, before I have him come back in and kick your ass."

He just rolled his eyes. "First I'm an elementary student, now I'm a perv." He shook his head as he climbed out the window. "Humans." And he was gone.

_I knew we'd met before._

Karin rushed to the window. "Wait," she called, "how do I know you?"

The only response she got was from the dried leaves, dancing in the wind on her rooftop.

* * *

Ichigo entered Urahara's, having left his body back with Kon at his house. Sandal-Hat was sitting on the floor, cross-legged, sipping tea, while Hitsugaya leaned against the back wall, wearing his normal piqued-looking expression.

"Ah, Kurosaki-san. Welcome," exclaimed the ever-dramatic shopkeeper.

"Yeah yeah," Ichigo grumbled. "What's this all about? Why'd they send Boy Wonder here to fetch me?"

Ichigo did not notice the sudden twitch that appeared at Hitsugaya's eye.

Urahara whipped out his fan. "How would I, a mere lowly shopkeeper, know the inner workings of Soul Society?"

Ichigo sighed. "This isn't the best time, okay?"

"I'll just tell sotaicho this was an inconvenient time then, I guess. Sure, he'll understand," Hitsugaya voiced sarcastically.

"What's the matter, Kurosaki-san? Tell Uncle Kisuke your problems!"

Now Ichigo had a twitch. "Rukia's gonna burst any day now and she still hasn't let me back in yet."

"Aw," sighed Urahara, "marital problems. So young. And with a child on the way..." He shook his head, as if saddened.

"Shut up! We're fine, you stupid old man. She _was_ fine at first. It was a totally normal pregnancy. Then she hit 34 weeks and it's like _Invasion of the Body Snatchers_! She's driving me nuts, demanding wasabi ice cream at all hours of the night, having me paint the room pink, then orange, then yellow, then back to orange, threatening to tell her brother I'm abusing her! It's like a hormone roller coaster, a hormone nightmare! I swear, if she kicks me in the shin one more time-"

"Pink?" questioned Urahara.

"_And_ orange. _And_ yellow."

"Pink?"

"Yes, 'pink,'" Ichigo said through clenched teeth.

"But I thought you were having a boy?"

Ichigo paled significantly.

Hitsugaya snorted. "You couldn't even sense your own kid's spirit pressure, Kurosaki?"

Urahara waved it off. "That's not important right now, Kurosaki-san. You have an audience with sotaicho right now," he said, leading Ichigo to the senkai gate that had appeared in the middle of the room. "I will make sure Rukia-chan does not go into labor without you."

And the gate closed behind the father-to-be.

Hitsugaya shook his head. "What kind of father is he going to be? He can't even deal with his wife."

"Despite the way things look at the moment," Urahara said, now serious, "Kurosaki _has_ grown. His temper is under control, as is his spirit pressure. He's matured; five years ago, he would have taken a swing at me for my, ah, _tasteful_ comments. He'll be a powerful taicho...when he's ready.

"Fatherhood is new to him. Of course he's freaking out: he's not in control, not at this point. And Rukia-chan, as much as I hate to say it, has not been the most pleasant pregnant woman. She has been unable to vacate her gigai while with child, and it has left her _pretty_ cranky. My advice to you, Hitsugaya-taicho: while you're keeping your eye on her, keep your distance."

Hitsugaya sighed. He had agreed to this only as a favor to Kuchiki-taicho, who'd never made a request of him, ever. He had expressed his concern that his sister "would need assistance in her present state while her husband would be otherwise engaged in a top-secret Soul Society commission," his exact words, articulated with as little emotion and feeling as possible.

Now, he was kicking himself. What was he thinking? He hated the world of the living.


	2. Recollection

**Disclaimer: Again, neither Bleach not its characters belong to me.**

**Hope you enjoy!**

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"Every parting is a form of death, as every reunion is a type of heaven." -Tyron Edwards

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Later that night, as he sat on the roof of the house across the street from the Kurosaki's, Hitsugaya regretted his decision even more. There was nothing to do but stare at the stars after Rukia put the lights out. Every hour or so, the lights went back on, but they were turned off a minute or so later. Hitsugaya concluded she was taking those frequent trips to the restroom pregnant women supposedly took all the time and went back to his task of counting stars.

After star number eight thousand, six hundred seventy-two, he felt an unfamiliar reiatsu quickly nearing him. He stood and tensed, readying himself, but the face that accompanied the reiatsu stopped him dead in his tracks.

"Close your mouth; you'll catch flies," the woman said smartly. Her sleeveless black shinigami shihakushou and her long, jet-black hair were caught in the wind, blowing strands into her face. She stood--well, hovered--stoically, with her arms folded across her chest and a scowl on her face. Her intense onyx eyes bore into his as she held his gaze.

"You're Kurosaki's sister," he stated flatly.

"I am, but I usually go by Kurosaki _Karin_, not 'Ichi-nii's sister,'" she said, raising her chin defiantly.

"My apologies," he said, bowing slightly, but there was a hint of indignant sarcasm in his words.

Karin pursed her lips before speaking. "What are you doing watching my sister-in-law?"

"That really is none of your concern," he answered. "What I would like to know is how are you a shinigami? Last time I checked, you weren't dead." _I would have known if you were._

"Neither is Ichigo. Don't brush off my question," she said, redirecting the conversation. "It _is_ my business; she's my family."

"Ichigo is a rare...exemption. And there's no way you should have a Zanpakuto," he said, gesturing to the sheathed weapon at her side.

"Stop that!" she commanded angrily, her fists clenching at her sides. "You can't just answer me?" He kept changing the conversation abruptly, and, whether it was deliberate or not, it was pissing her off. "All I want to know is who you are, why you're watching Rukia, and where you took my brother."

"Oh, is that all?" he asked mockingly. Then he gave her a funny look, and his forehead wrinkled. "You...don't recognize me?"

She paused and licked her lips. "No, I don't. Do we know each other?" she repeated for what felt like the umpteenth time.

He shrugged, and his expression became impassive again. "It's not important," he concluded.

She rolled her eyes, conceding. "Well, what about my other questions?"

"If you must know, I am obeying orders from Soul Society--I am assuming you know about Soul Society even though your shinigami powers are unauthorized and, more than likely, obtained illegally--to watch Kurosaki Rukia. As for the last question, I did not 'take' your brother anywhere; he has been chosen to carry out an assignment for which his...unique strengths seem to be the only ones capable of conducting and completing successfully."

Karin looked at him skeptically. Earlier, all she'd seen was a strange man in her room, one with weird white hair--which had made him look a bazillion years old--and a mannerism of aloof nonchalance that unnerved her. But now that she could get a good look at him--and that she was fully clothed--she could see that, despite his hair color, he was not old. He looked only a few years older than her nineteen, with youthful skin and lean, defined muscles. But his manner of speech said differently: he spoke like he was from a different era altogether.

"You couldn't just say, 'Ichigo had some SS business to take care of and I have to watch Rukia while he's gone.' What's with the old fart explanation?"

She noticed a subtle twitch form in his right eye as he scowled at her.

"I don't need this," he said, flash-stepping a few houses down. _I don't need to babysit two semi-humans. Especially two Kurosakis. Especially _that_ Kurosaki. Not again._

He stopped half a mile from Rukia's, still able to sense her reiatsu, just in case. But Kurosaki Karin appeared at his side a moment later.

"My powers may not be 'authorized,' but don't underestimate them," she said, not even panting.

"What do you want?" he growled.

"_How_ do I _know_ _you_?" she asked, emphasizing choice words.

He sighed, acquiescing. "I thought we were...friends," he stated as simply and unemotional as possible. "But..."

She shook her head and her hardened expression softened. "No, you don't understand," she said, unfolding her arms and holding them out, as if helpless. "I was in an...accident a few years ago. I-I don't remember much of anything."

Now _he_ looked skeptical. "What kind of accident?"

"I don't really know. My brother's friend, Urahara-san, saved me. I woke not only able to see Pluses and Hollows--which I was told I had been able to do before the accident--but I had also manifested my own Zanpakuto, confirming I had gained shinigami powers as well. But I'd lost almost all of my memories. I didn't even know my own name."

She thought he'd say something, but he didn't. He kind of just stared out into the breezy night, strands of his snowy hair blowing in his face and eyes.

She continued. "A friend of Urahara-san's has been helping me control and hone my powers, but my brother doesn't know about my training, of course--he'd freak. So don't you dare tell him!"

"Yoruichi-sama," he offered.

Karin looked nonplussed. "How'd you know?"

"Only the Goddess of the Flash herself could have taught you shunpo so quickly," he stated bluntly.

A moment of semi-awkward silence hung between them in the cool night air.

She brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. "What's your name?" she asked quietly.

"Hitsugaya Toshiro, Captain of the 10th Division of the Gotei 13."

She smiled. "Toshiro, huh?" She shook her head. "No, doesn't ring a bell. I'm sorry."

He shrugged, but looked a little irritated. "Actually, it's Hitsugaya-_taicho_," he clarified, folding his arms across his chest defensively.

"Right, of course. I'm sorry, Hitsugaya-taicho," she said apologetically.

His gaze and stance softened. _She really doesn't remember me. She would never have addressed me with an honorific, not in a million years._

"So, we were friends?" she asked, sitting on the roof beneath them.

He landed beside her but did not sit. "I guess. I was stationed here a few years ago."

She didn't respond.

"We played soccer once." _Why am I trying to help her? I should be grateful she's forgotten._

She shook her head. "Nothing. I usually get some image, some piece of my memory when I'm told about things, places, people I used to know--almost like a photograph--but now...nothing. I'm sorry."

_Quit apologizing_, he wanted to tell her. What happened to her recalcitrant temper and short fuse?

"I was...younger looking, back then," he offered painfully.

"You're about twenty-five now, right? I tried picturing you as twenty, fifteen even. Still...nothing." She shrugged.

He fidgeted. "Age works a little differently in Soul Society."

She looked up at him. "How so?"

"Well, when we were first friends, I looked about ten years old."

"Then I would have been really young when we were friends, and I wouldn't remember you anyway. Did I know you when you were alive? When did you die?"

He shook his head, growing agitated. Maybe trying to explain this to her was too much. "I didn't say I _was_ ten years old; I said I _looked_ ten, just as I _look_ twenty-five now, and I'm not," he said emphatically.

She stared at him, and he couldn't discern if her wide-eyed look was one of shock or perplexity.

"Hasn't Urahara explained this to you?"

She shook her head.

"What _do_ you know about Soul Society?"

"Admittedly? Very little. Yoruichi-sama's been trying to see if I could attend some sort of school there--she said it'd help my training--but other than that," she shrugged to finish.

"Forget it then," he said, giving up.

"Wait," she said. "I do have this one picture, though. I can't exactly place it, but it looks like you, leaning against a wall or something, and you're texting. It's growing dark. You look...angry, sort of." She shook the image away. "I don't know. I'm still missing pieces."

Hitsugaya's jaw clenched. What was the point of painting the whole picture? That memory would hold no significance anyway.

"How old were you--or how old did you _look_ when you stopped coming around?" she asked when he offered no explanation, eyebrows raised expectantly.

"I was given a new commission," he clarified tersely. _I didn't have a choice._ "But I looked about nineteen, twenty, I guess."

"How old was I?"

He paused before answering, like he was waiting for something--or remembering something, and she saw his jaw clench again. "Almost sixteen."

"We were good friends," she stated matter-of-factly.

Hitsugaya did not answer and he would not look down at her.

Karin sat in silence, wanting to know more but feeling as if his icy demeanor would blast her. She couldn't figure him out.

She sighed when he still offered no response. "Whatever. It doesn't matter, I guess." She paused, contemplating her next question before throwing caution to the wind. "Could I see you're Zanpakuto?"

He turned to face her and his frown deepened. "No," he said, almost angrily.

"Why not?"

"Because it's against regulation. A Zanpakuto is not some human child plaything; it is a weapon. I will not parade mine like an exhibit in a museum," he bit.

Karin furrowed her brow; she hadn't expected such a harsh reaction.

After a few moments of deafening silence, she, unable to take it any longer, stood and stretched. "So. You're here, on assignment, to watch Rukia, right?"

"Yes."

"Good. Then your assignment is _not_ to take care of the Hollows in town. I'd appreciate it if that task continued to be left to me," she said smugly.

He bristled. "You're _not_ a shinigami; you're not even a substitute shinigami. It's not your duty to carry out. While the substitute shinigami is away, _I _will deal with the Hollows in town."

She frowned. "Well, if I'm not a shinigami, that means you're not my commanding officer. I don't have to do as you say."

"By your reasoning, then, I should apprehend you for crimes against Soul Society and retain you to Seireitei for sanction."

"You wouldn't dare."

He almost smirked. "Want to bet?"

She sized him up for a moment, then resigned. "Fine," she said. She started to leave, then turned back to glare at him, an angry fire ablaze in her eyes. "See you 'round..._Toshiro_," she spat.

Then she was gone.

He sighed._ I hate the world of the living._

Inside him, however, a part of him he'd thought long since dead was seeing sunshine for the first time.

He did not have regrets. The past was the past. The end. But the few short years he'd been her "friend" had opened his eyes--and, though he'd never admit it, his heart--to something new. Something he _nearly_ regretted losing, not fighting for.

He'd sworn never to let personal ties develop during or because of an assignment.

But it was about to happen all over again.


	3. Continuity

**Disclaimer: Again, neither Bleach not its characters belong to me.**

**And the story progresses...**

**Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

"What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal." -Albert Pine

* * *

After wandering for about an hour, trying to calm herself and control her anger, Karin found herself at the Urahara Shoten, sitting in one of the rooms in the back with Ururu and Yoruichi, still fuming.

"How dare he!" she half shouted. "After all I've done here! Those Soul Society reprobates don't even appreciate...don't even _acknowledge_ I-"

"Because they _don't_ know what you've done," interrupted Yoruichi. "They have no idea how far you've come. If they did, you'd have more to worry about than Hitsugaya-taicho."

"I don't see the big deal, though. I mean, they're fine with Ichigo. Why would they have a problem with-"

"You?" Yoruichi finished, interrupting her again. "You only know of Ichigo's relationship with Soul Society the way it is now. It wasn't always so...well disposed; they were hardly 'fine' with his rampage through Soul Society as a Ryoka. They would handle your...ah, _situation_, with the same grace and efficiency they initially decided to handle Ichigo's case: with a callous backhand. They simply don't care. They don't like change."

"They wouldn't see me as change, they'd see me as a threat. But I cannot change what has been done to me; why can't they accept that and see me as an asset?"

Yoruichi shrugged, losing interest in a stale argument.

"It will be all right, Karin-chan," assured Ururu meekly.

Karin looked at the young woman who had become her friend. She had spent a lot of time with both Ururu and Jinta--to whom her feelings were no longer as affectionate once she found out about him and Yuzu--after her accident. They'd helped her recover, both physically and mentally, and they'd shown her how to come into her new, otherworldly powers. She was older looking now--like Karin--but her timid and docile nature had not changed...unless she was on the battlefield. Karin had only seen her fight once and did not wish to witness her fight again.

Then she looked around. "Where _is_ Jinta?" she questioned.

Ururu avoided her gaze and her question. "Out," she answered, pouring more tea.

"With my sister?" Karin questioned, standing.

"Sit down, Kurosaki-chan," Urahara said calmly, though pushing Karin down with such force her knees buckled beneath her.

"I told you I didn't want her spending any more time with him," she said to the shopkeeper, folding her arms across her chest defiantly.

"Ah, not even I could stop blossoming love, Kurosaki-chan, even if I wanted to."

Karin pouted for a bit more, let her anger steep. She hated not being in control. Love or not, she didn't like it. Yuzu new nothing--or relatively nothing--of this life the rest of her family was living and she didn't want Jinta exposing her to it; she was too sweet, too innocent. She deserved a normal life.

She decided to change the subject. "Yoruichi-sama?"

"Hmm?" the purple-haired woman responded as Urahara sat down next to her.

"Do you know if Hitsugaya-taicho and I were friends? You know, before the accident? He said we were--well, not in so many words; he kind of implied it--but..." she shrugged, "nothing came back to me when he tried to help me remember."

Urahara, however, was the one to respond. "You mean you actually spoke with the ice captain? A rare feat indeed."

"What do you mean?" Karin questioned.

"He means," Yoruichi answered, "Captain Hitsugaya Toshiro is one of the most serious, driven, and emotionally frozen shinigami in all Soul Society. He does not '_chat_,' especially with strangers, especially with strangers who disregard the laws he practically worships. I'm surprised he didn't drag your lawbreaking ass straight to Yamamoto-sotaicho then and there. A few shinigami are already vocally opposed to sotaicho's leniency in handling your brother and all his...situations, especially this latest one; it wouldn't surprise me if Hitsugaya was one of them."

"Situations? What's Ichigo done now?"

Yoruichi looked a little bored and sipped her tea before answering. "Soul Society has laws. One of them is no shinigami is to live 'a second life.' You could argue neither your brother nor his wife have broken this law, as they spend about the same amount of time in both worlds--and your brother is far from being held accountable anyway--but bringing a part-shinigami child into the world of the living is evidence that attests against that argument."

_Laws? Part-shinigami?_ Karin wasn't sure she even _wanted_ to know.

She pursed her lips. "I don't know, Hitsugaya-taicho didn't seem _that_ bad. He threatened to turn me in, but he didn't." She decided not to mention that he probably would have turned him in had she provoked him anymore.

"That kid's had it pretty rough. I wouldn't be as affable and handsome as I am if I'd gone through what he has," Urahara said.

"What's he been through?" Karin asked, ignoring the stupider, vain part of his comment.

"Ah, but that is his story to tell you, Kurosaki-chan," Urahara said, now sage-like. "If he called you his friend, you definitely had some sort of relationship. Hitsugaya-taicho calls very few 'friend.'"

Karin nodded. She hated not knowing. She hated having this impenetrable wall in her memories! "He looks pretty young to be a captain. I thought most of them were, like, a lot older, like Rukia's brother and Ukitake-taicho. And he kept stressing that point: that he was a captain. '_Hitsugaya-taicho_, to you,'" she mimicked.

Both Urahara and Yoruichi smiled wide smiles. Yoruichi bit her cheek as Urahara answered, "You should have seen him not a decade ago. His time in the world of the living and in Hueco Mundo brought on a sudden...growth spurt. He's not as young as he looks."

A thought struck Karin and she sat up a little straighter. "Yeah, he said something about that. He said age is different in Soul Society. He said he, like, aged ten years in just the few years we knew each other. How's that possible?"

Urahara grinned as he pushed the brim of his hat down, covering his eyes. "Hitsugaya-taicho was _quite_ chatty tonight, I see," he mumbled. Then he answered so Karin could hear, "Yes, shinigami in Soul Society do age differently than both humans and shinigami residing in the world of the living."

"How so?" she probed.

"Well, I'm not certain," Urahara said, scratching his chin, "but I'd estimate your new friend--though he looks to be in his early twenties, correct?--is roughly between two hundred and four hundred Soul Society years old. To be honest, I haven't quite figured out the conversion scale yet. It seems to vary on how much time a shinigami spends in Soul Society and in the world of the living." He observed the confusion on Karin's face but continued his explanation, still rubbing his scruffy chin. "You see, old man Yama is said to be at least two thousand Soul Society years old. But, on earth, that, of course, is biologically impossible. But if he were, say, one hundred, one hundred ten--judging by how he'd appear as a human--earth years old? That would make the scale twenty Soul Society years for every one earth year. You with me?"

Karin nodded even though she was terribly lost.

"However, Rukia-chan observed upon first meeting your brother that she had lived approximately ten times longer than Ichigo's lifetime--which, at the time, was fifteen--and yet she too was physically aged only fifteen years, making the scale _ten_ to one. As your brother trained in Soul Society, however, he aged. He grew taller and wider and was capable of developing muscles fifteen year olds don't even know exist yet, a feat I attribute to the abundant reiatsu Soul Society is composed of. It physically aged him greater than his fifteen years. Even now, his body has retained that 'aging' and appears older than his twenty-two years, though only slightly.

"Yet Hitsugaya-taicho had lived in Soul Society his whole life and aged very little, until his postings in both the world of the living and Hueco Mundo, which, I presume, had _some_ effect on his growth. He then grew--rapidly, I might say--in both stature and discernment, hailing his real 'coming of age.' He looked about how old?"

Karin struggled to find words. It was too much for her to take in. "N-no more than t-twenty-five," she stuttered.

Urahara nodded. "It's anyone's guess at this point." But it was obvious he was satisfied with both his theory and his explanation.

Karin leaned back on her hands, processing this information. She still didn't fully understand, but she didn't really care about the Soul Society year-earth year conversion scale. Thinking about it just hurt her head. She just wished she remembered more about the white-haired young man.

Suddenly, she smirked, a different thought entering her head. "So how old does that make the two of you?"

Yoruichi glanced at Urahara with narrowed eyes and Karin knew it was time to leave.

* * *

Karin went home but waited until her sister returned from her date to go to bed. It was four-thirty and she still couldn't sleep. She stared out the window--now _securely_ locked--and tried to shut her mind down, but it just wouldn't stop. That one image of him as a child, sitting on a wall--a railing?--frowning at her flashed through her mind over and over again. It wouldn't go away. She grunted and rolled over. She needed to sleep, she had classes in the morning--correction: in five hours.

But she couldn't.

Instead, her mind was invaded with memories--at least she _hoped_ they were memories--which she couldn't make sense of. Images, faces...and pain! An unbearable, indescribable pain.

"_Kurosaki-chan! Grab my hand!" someone shouted. A man._

_She reached. "I can't!" she cried._

"_Karin!"_

She sat up with a start, sweat beading her lower back and forehead. "Damn," she whispered, clutching her head. Her alarm said it was only five forty-five. She sighed; she was exhausted and had a killer headache.

She decided to dress, throwing on old soccer shorts and a tee and sneakers, not caring that, in her state of fatigue, she was reverting to her old tomboy phase. Well, _supposed_ tomboy phase; she wasn't sure she could believe all the outlandish stories her family told her. These days, she only wore soccer shorts to soccer practice.

Yuzu was _so_ proud.

She grabbed a soccer ball and dribbled it to the park, pushing herself hard, trying to shove back last night's dreams. She had just arrived at the park when the sun broke over the horizon. She was drenched in sweat but endorphins flooded her brain as oxygen flowed through her veins. It felt good--_really_ good--to run.

Still, the could not shake the feeling, the feeling of hopelessness, of pain, of uncertainty.

She ended up skipping both her classes. She didn't think her mind or body would remain still enough to focus. She skipped soccer practice too. She went home and crawled back in bed, feeling sick to her stomach, sleeping away the rest of the day.

At eleven than night, she left her body in bed and made her way to Urahara's. The night was dark, quiet, but clear enough to help her sift through her thoughts. All was quiet--on the outside, at least--at the shop. She entered to find Urahara and Yoruichi the only ones up, sitting together in a back room. They looked deep in discussion, but ceased their discourse when they spotted her.

"Ah, Kurosaki-chan!" said Urahara. "Just in time. Yoruichi and I were just discussing your training for tonight."

"Yeah?" she asked languidly. She couldn't believe it had been almost twenty-four hours since she'd been here last; the day had slipped by so quickly, it felt as if she just left ten minutes ago. Her whole life was beginning to revolve around her _other_ life, and she wasn't sure if she was proud of that fact.

"Yes," stated Yoruichi. "We'll work in the training room tonight."

They descended the stairs. "So what are we focusing on tonight?" she asked. "Defensive sword techniques? Shunpo attacks?"

"No," Yoruichi said, reaching the bottom of the stairs, where two mats lay on the dirt floor. "Tonight we will be working on your meditation."

"Meditation?" Karin questioned, watching Yoruichi sit cross-legged on one of the mats.

"Yes. Now sit."

Karin complied wordlessly.

"We have been strengthening your powers for two years now. I had hoped it would come on its own, but you have not yet learned the name of your Zanpakuto. I will teach you some basic meditation techniques that will help you focus and, hopefully, become acquainted with the soul of your sword.

"Your sword is more than just a weapon; it is _part_ of your soul, part of your being. You are incomplete without it. Perhaps that is why you still are missing pieces of your memory. Meditation will help you concentrate, clearing the connection to your Zanpakuto.

"Now close your eyes and breathe; deep, calming breaths. Clear your mind; eliminate all distractions. Focus."

Despite her instruction's distracting qualities, Karin did as Yoruichi instructed, as banal and ridiculous as it sounded. She doubted they ever made Ichigo try this. She did try to focus, however, tried to clear her mind, but the fuzziness remained.

Her mind went dark. Everything around her faded and she was left in complete darkness. She continued her breathing.

The darkness wasn't like night, not even a starless night. It was as if she was in a room painted coal black, with no windows or doors. She was trapped; but she was not panicked.

"Karin," someone called.

"Who's there?" she asked, unable to sense or see who was speaking.

There was no answer. She questioned whether she had actually heard someone, and she waited, listening. Still, there was no reply.

Silence. Complete, utter silence was the only response.

Karin eyes shot open. She was now alone in the training room.

"Dammit," she mumbled despondently, picking herself up and heading upstairs.

She entered the back room and discovered it to be light outside. Ururu entered from the main shop, her arms laden with boxes, and her eyes lit up when she spotted Karin.

"Karin-chan!" she greeted cheerily. "It's nearly noon. You were downstairs all night."

Karin rubbed her head. "Yeah, I guess I was. Where'd Yoruichi go?"

"Oh, meditation is a very private process," she said, serious, "and, once she got you in the mindset, Yoruichi-sama left you so you could focus on your own. Excess spirit pressure sometimes distorts the growing connection between new shinigami and Zanpakuto."

Karin nodded. It made sense, but her meditation had taken all night? And had only seemed a few seconds? And had yielded a net success rate of zero?

"Thanks Ururu. I-I'll head home. See you tonight," she said, leaving the store.

"'Bye Karin-chan," Ururu offered, resuming her work.

Daylight burned her eyes as she stepped into the sun. She couldn't believe she had been in that trance--if you could call that waste of time a trance--for almost twelve hours.

She went straight home and crawled back into her body, back into bed, realizing she'd be missing class again today. She was turning into a chronotype; kicking the habit was beginning to look hopeless.

* * *

**Yeah...this chapter had a lot of drawn-explanations; I'll try not to do that again--unless it's absolutely vital to the plot line.**

**Hope you enjoyed! Thank you for all your encouragement and reviews! You keep my stories ali****ve****.**


	4. Confrontations

**Neither Bleach nor its characters belong to me.**

**Enjoy**

* * *

"Fight fire with fire."-Traditional Proverb

(Or, in this case, I guess, fight ice with ice.)

* * *

At five Karin got up, unable to stay in bed any longer. She felt sluggish, lethargic, and totally useless; she needed some exercise, she needed her muscles to burn and ache--to dull the pains everywhere else. She travelled to the outskirts of town where--in soul form--she could practice without disruption. She had discovered a small field completely surrounded by trees--a perfect training arena--and had fallen in love.

But when she arrived, she was not alone. Someone's powerful reiatsu was fluctuating wildly. As she neared, through the trees she could see a black form flying about at record speeds, a Zanpakuto emitting powerful, chilly blasts with a range long enough to allow frost to cling to her hair. She hid behind the trunk of a large tree and watched the man train. When she trained alone, she never felt like she worked hard enough; but Hitsugaya made it look effortless, working every muscle. She watched him work, watched the muscles in his back flex, his arms slice and cut with precision. Having removed his shirts, his defined, pronounced muscles were obvious.

_Gorgeous_, she found herself thinking before she could catch herself.

And yet she couldn't look away.

Suddenly, he stopped and looked right at her. She tried to dart behind the tree, but the effort was futile.

Sheathing his weapon, he said, "I know you're there. No need to hide."

She emerged from behind the trees. "I wasn't trying to hide. Or intrude," she stated, offering an excuse before he could pry for one. "This is where I train."

He nodded. "I can see why," he said. He slipped his kosode back on--much to her private dismay--and wiped his forehead with his sleeve. "It's quiet, isolated."

She nodded and stood there wordlessly.

He swept out his arm. "Don't let my presence hinder you. By all means: start your training."

She frowned. She didn't really want an audience.

"Besides, I'm interested to see your level of skill," he said, one white eyebrow raised.

This pissed her off even more--he wanted to test her abilities?--but she unsheathed her weapon anyway. He didn't say anything as she began, or for the first twenty minutes; he just stood there, watching her, arms folded frigidly across his chest.

For a while, it was like she was in her own world. Everything around her faded--including the distracting captain--and it was just her and her sword. The grip of the hilt was rough in her hands even though she'd developed tough callouses. The metal of the blade reflected in the bright sun. As she moved, she looked at her weapon. She had always thought it was ugly: the blade was a faded, dull grey, not shiny or bright; the hilt was a dirty brown, plain and unadorned. She admired her brother's for its sheer size and overwhelming presence; she fell in love with Rukia's for its magnificent beauty and understated grandeur. But hers was ordinary, muted, and bare.

Much like her.

She sighed inwardly and continued to move.

She was just about to swing her arms down in an offensive attack when, in a flash, he was at her side. His cold hand clasped her wrist. "Your grip is wrong," he said gruffly, repositioning her hold on the hilt. "Here."

She looked at him as he leaned in close to her. She could feel his hot breath on her cheek, smell his sweaty musk.

She swung down, feeling an intense influx of strength. He stepped back but interrupted her practice four more times--correcting her, helping her--before she stopped.

Trying not to pant, she planted one hand on her hip and said, "Fight me."

He snorted in disbelief, shaking his head. "I don't think so."

"I'll get better if I have an opponent who will challenge me," she argued.

"You will not be 'challenged' if you fight a Gotei 13 captain. You will be defeated."

She replied by bringing her sword down on him; quicker than her eyes could see, he had pulled out his sword in defense. His eyes narrowed. They said, "You'll regret this," but he didn't say a word.

He pushed her back with her forearms and the force sent her reeling back ten meters. Regaining her grip, she attacked again.

"Too slow," he said, flash-stepping out of her sight.

She spun around to block his next attack, but she landed the attack first; he merely blocked, totally unfazed. She felt a bone in her wrist shatter, and she broke away. She flash-stepped in response, trying to get him at a better angle, but he always saw her coming.

Their swords collided again. "Don't hold back," she spat through clenched teeth.

He shoved her back with such force, she flew back fifteen meters. He didn't even stumble.

They danced for another twenty minutes. She found herself on the defense and barely able to get one attack in the whole time. Her endurance was failing, her breathing was becoming more labored, and her step faltered; fighting him was not like sparring with Yoruichi or Ichigo. Seeing his opportunity, he swept in. She found herself on her back with his blade at her throat. It was the first and only time he had attacked her full on.

"Don't let pride be your downfall," he said sternly before removing the cold metal from her jugular and backing away. "You're not ready."

She pushed away his proffered hand and righted herself, trying to mend her wounded pride. He merely turned away.

"In your attempt, you could have at least used Shikai," he said, sheathing his sword. "You need to learn to adjust the degree of your fight to suit your opponent. Zanjutsu is an art; you need to master every aspect of it. You should have figured that out by now."

"Shikai?" she questioned.

He looked back at her incredulously. "Yes, Shikai. Your sword was in the sealed state the entire fight," he bit.

She merely blinked in response.

"You-you mean you haven't achieved Shikai yet?"

"'Achieved?' What's Shikai?"

He frowned at her, as if she'd grown a second head. "What do Urahara and Yoruichi tell you? Nothing?"

"I don't know what your talking about," she said exasperatedly, sitting in the grass. She gasped as she put weight on her hand; she had forgotten about the break it suffered countering one of his blows--well, his very tough block of her blow. His stunning eyes shot down to her wrist.

He sat down next to her. "Here," he said, extending his hand. She automatically placed her hand in his, palm up. She watched, wide-eyed, as he put his other hand over her forearm and a green glow appeared from his fingertips.

"What's that?" she asked, inquisitive.

Again, he looked at her, as if seeing if she was serious or not. He shook his head in disbelief. "It's called Kido. It's a harnessing of spirit energy; right now I'm using it to facilitate healing. I'm not from Division 4, but you'll never know it was broken."

She nodded, but was still confused. "I've seen Tessai-san do something like that, but I never knew exactly what it was," she admitted quietly.

Something flickered in his eyes at her mention of Tessai, and she filed that fact away in her mind to ask about later. She hated feeling like everyone was keeping something--everything--from her.

She also noticed he did not apologize for breaking her wrist, a fact which made her smile a little; at least he didn't hold back, didn't think she was irreparable, fragile--like her brother, father, Urahara, and Yoruichi did, to name a few. His proximity wasn't helping her groggy mind much; his touch on her arm, his captivating scent, his bare, muscular chest, revealed by his open kosode..._Stop it, Karin!_ "Shikai? Kido? How much is there that I don't know about?"

He didn't even shrug.

"What _is_ Shikai?" she pressed insistently.

He finished healing her and scooted away slightly. "Yoruichi should be the one to explain it to you."

She flexed her hand as he spoke. It _was_ as good as new. "But she hasn't. Please?"

"Why _hasn't_ she told you?" he asked, frustrated, his white brows furrowing.

"Yoruichi says knowing will impede the natural progression of my powers. She says it will make me lose focus."

He ran a hand down his face. "Focus," he reiterated. Then he sighed. "_Shikai_...is a form of your Zanpakuto, its second release form. Achieving Shikai indicates control of a Zanpakuto, and no shinigami will get far without mastering it."

"How do you attain it?" she asked with wonder.

"First, you must learn the name of your Zanpakuto."

Crestfallen, she slumped slightly.

"From your look, I assume you have yet to learn its name," he stated.

"No...but I'm close," she offered defensively.

He didn't say anything. Instead, he stood. "I need to get going," he said, almost coldly.

She tried to hide her frown. "All right." She stood and started to practice again.

He threw his captain's haori over his shoulder, but turned back to her before he disappeared into the growing darkness. "Don't push yourself too hard," he said, sounding semi-caring.

She couldn't fight the grin that pulled at her cheeks. "Thanks Toshiro."

He frowned. "It's Hitsugaya-taicho." And he was gone.

_Funny. Seems as though that's the way we always part._

She collapsed to her knees the minute she could no longer feel his reiatsu. His very presence racked her nerves. She didn't understand why.

* * *

Hitsugaya headed back into town and arrived at the Kurosaki Clinic, where Isshin was letting him hide out during the day. He didn't feel like socializing at Urahara's and since Matsumoto was back in Soul Society--probably _not_ doing the paperwork he'd instructed her to do--staying at Inoue Orihime's was out of the question. He was just surprised Karin hadn't sensed him already.

_Maybe she's more like her brother in that way._ He frowned. _Perfect._

He jumped in the shower and relished the cold water running over his face, his skin. The sparring match hadn't necessarily worked up a sweat, but showering gave him an opportunity to think in private.

_Damn her_. He couldn't believe he'd let her talk him into fighting her. _At least she had been relatively novice. Still..._

He was also damning himself. _I was too hard on her. I can't believe I broke her wrist! And she didn't even grimace at the pain. Damn Kurosaki pride._

_Yoruichi and Urahara might be two of the most capable, respected, and feared fighters of all Soul Society, but their choosing to not tell Karin everything was holding her back in her training. She's going to end up in trouble. With her amount reiatsu and the level that it's at, she should be far more advanced..._

_But it's not my place_, he convinced himself. _Not anymore._

He emerged from the bathroom in the back of the clinic to find the aforementioned man restocking a cabinet with basic medical supplies. "Good practice?" he inquired, not turning around.

Hitsugaya shrugged, leaning his Zanpakuto against the wall and reclining on one of the cots. "Standard," was his only reply.

Isshin chuckled. "And my daughter? You didn't beat her too badly, I hope."

Hitsugaya bristled. "I'd never harm her," he stated coldly, defensively.

The older man turned to reveal his knowing smirk. "'Again,' you mean? 'I'd never harm her _again_.'"

Hitsugaya's scowl deepened.

"She doesn't remember, so I suppose it doesn't matter to her. But I do," Isshin said, leaning casually against the wall. "I remember too well."

Hitsugaya said nothing.

Isshin shrugged and turned back to his work.

Hitsugaya sat silently for a while, then quietly asked, sounding more like a child than he had in a long time, "Will she ever remember?"

In that moment, Isshin once again saw his young subordinate, not the cold grown man he liked people to see him as. "I guess it depends. For her sake, I hope she does; she feels incomplete, lost. But I fear that what she will remember will rattle her more than being in her current fog. Her powers are not easy to bear."

Hitsugaya tensed and sat up. "You know the power of her Zanpakuto? How's that possible? She hasn't even manifested it herself."

"Much in the same way you as a child displayed your..._icy_ endowment, Karin, too, exhibited her unique capabilities. She, of course, didn't realize what they were at the time, but they also contributed to the accident that removed them from her reach. I believe it was her mind's defense mechanism: blocking everything out and just shutting down."

"She's not getting the proper training," mumbled Hitsugaya. "And she's not very aware, even of the capabilities she possesses. It doesn't appear that Urahara and Yoruichi have taught her much."

"I asked them to instruct Karin while telling her as little as possible. She doesn't need an information overload that leads to a mental breakdown because she learned too much too soon. She's tough, but there are things even she can't handle, not all at once anyway. Now, she is more lost and confused and closer to the truth than ever. Her Zanpakuto will help her...when they're both ready."

Hitsugaya's scowl deepened. "What _are_ her powers?"

Isshin smirked. "Now that wouldn't be fair: you knowing before Karin. But I do have a request to make of you."

The younger man waited for the entreaty.

"When my son returns from his 'mission,' I want you to take Karin to Soul Society with you."

"What?" Hitsugaya bit out disbelievingly.

"You heard me," he said, dead serious for once. "Karin needs the training and instructing and stability that she cannot get here in the world of the living; you said so yourself. No matter how badly I want her here with me, with her family, and no matter how good Yoruichi and Urahara's training is, she needs what Soul Society will give her: consistency, stability, structure. She's not her brother."

But Hitsugaya was obstinate. "No. Fortunately for me, I'm not your subordinate. I'm not going to 'take' her anywhere. That's not in my job description."

"Are you speaking as a captain with a duty to fulfill or as a man with a heart to guard?" he asked astutely. Before he could respond, however, Isshin waved him off. "No matter. This doesn't need your approval. I only asked to be polite. You should be getting a hell butterfly any minute now with your instructions."

Hitsugaya bristled. _Instructions?_ "How'd you manage that?"

"Despite my past infractions, my role in the war got me back into the good graces of some important people in Soul Society--relatively, at least. They have accepted Karin into the Academy on the stipulation that she is supervised and does not publicize the fact that she is not shinigami."

Hitsugaya paused, soaking this information in. Then his anger rose. "So I'm to be her babysitter?"

Isshin smirked knowingly and shrugged. "Only if you chose to see it that way."

"Where is she to stay? She has no ties to Seireitei except for her brother--but I wouldn't broadcast the fact that she's related to _him_ if I was her. And I cannot monitor her at all times; I have responsibilities that need to be taken care of. She's not shinigami, she does not belong in Soul Society!" Hitsugaya argued obdurately, grasping at straws. His voice revealed the emotions he was trying to hide, but if it got him out of this menial, greatly unwarranted situation that would affect his emotional state more than he'd ever let on, he was okay with it.

"But she's my daughter," Isshin declared sternly, all ever-present silliness and scatterbrained pretenses gone. "You want to risk her safety? Because if she stays here any longer, when her spirit pressure becomes too great for her to control, and she still has not even mastered Shikai, she _will_ become a target for Hollows. _I_ am _not_ willing to put her in jeopardy, not to satisfy my fatherly need to protect her or to coddle your stupid, pigheaded pride!"

Hitsugaya stared at the man. He hadn't seen this side of him in a long time. He swallowed, guilt washing over him. _Was_ he willing to risk Karin's safety?

No.

Isshin composed himself and, with narrowed eyes, said, "I'm trusting you with my daughter, a piece of my very heart. Don't let me down, Hitsugaya-taicho."

Hitsugaya held the man's gaze, then nodded firmly. Despite his initial misgivings, he knew he'd risk his very life to protect Karin, even if she never knew how much she meant--_had_ meant, he corrected--to him.

Isshin turned back to his work, satisfied. Then he said, "Oh, about your earlier question--about where Karin's to stay: I spoke with your vice-captain and she was happy to work it all out with me. She's already set up a place for Karin in the 10th Division barracks. That will make keeping your eye on her a little easier. I told her you'd thank her when you got back."

Biting his tongue and fanning back his anger, Hitsugaya made a mental note to create a year's worth of paperwork for Matsumoto, a fitting "thank you."

* * *

**Woah! Made ****Isshin**** pretty serious for a while there, didn't I? ****Ichigo**** had to get his temper from someone, right?**


	5. Resolve

**Neither **_**Bleach**_** nor its characters belong to me.**

**Enjoy**

* * *

"Let us resolve to be masters, not victims, of our history, controlling our own destiny without

giving way to blind suspicions and emotions." -John F. Kennedy

* * *

"Karin, what in the world is this?" Yuzu demanded, stomping into Karin's room, obviously upset, and shaking a fistful of papers.

Karin looked up from her book; she had read and reread the first line on the page what must have been a dozen times, she was so distracted, but she had not been expecting her sister's outburst. Her head began to ache.

"What?" she asked, taken aback.

Yuzu thrust the papers in her face. "These! They're papers from your school. _Withdrawal_ papers!"

Karin set the book down. "Oh."

Yuzu looked furious. "'Oh?' Oh! That's all you have to say? Oh? No explanation, no-"

"I don't have to _explain_ myself to you, Yuzu," Karin said defensively, standing. Her book fell to the floor with a _thud_.

"You dropped out of school?" Yuzu asked, her face falling. "You-you didn't even speak to me about it?"

Karin tried to ignore the guilt creeping over her. She rubbed her head. "Uh, yeah, I dropped out, like, last week."

Yuzu's jaw dropped.

Karin scowled. "Don't do that," she said. "Don't look at me like that. School-"

"School is very important, Karin," Yuzu interrupted. "How are you going to do well in life if-"

"That's so cliche, Yuzu. School's not synonymous with success, not anymore." Under her breath, she mumbled, not intending for her sister to hear her, "Besides, maybe 'life' isn't where I'm meant to be."

But she did.

"What was that?"

"Nothing." Changing the subject, Karin said, "Look, Yuzu, I know you're worried...about me, but I'm a big girl. I-I need to figure a few things out...on my own."

Karin expected that to be the end of it. For the most part, Yuzu only hovered like a mother, she never got fully involved.

Yuzu shook her head. "No," she said.

"'No?'" Karin questioned, confused.

Yuzu pursed her lips and continued to shake her head. "No, I won't let you just-just throw your life away like this."

Karin stepped toward her sister. "That's not your decision to make; it's mine. And who says I'm throwing my life away just because I can't do school right now? Not everyone needs college."

"That's besides the point," Yuzu said obstinately, folding her arms across her chest.

Realization dawned on Karin as she watched her sister. "That's not what this is about though, is it?"

"Yuzu, I can't stay holed up here forever. School...it was doing nothing for me. It wasn't for me." She took her twin's hands and looked into her eyes, begging her to understand. "Please. I-I know you only want what's best for me but...you just have to trust me on this. I know what I'm doing."

But Yuzu shook her head. "You're going to run off, just like Ichi-nii, for weeks on end; I can feel it. That's not the life that-that you deserve."

Karin smirked sadly. "But it's the one I want," she admitted quietly.

Yuzu's face fell.

"I'll come back, Yuzu. Always. I won't ever disappear. I won't keep you in the dark."

She scoffed. "You all think the dark has blinded me; it hasn't. I know more than you--and dad and Ichigo--think I do."

"I don't doubt it," Karin stated truthfully but not wishing to discuss it any further. Her passive little sister could be deceptively aggressive when she wanted to be.

"So what are you going to do? Now, I mean. No more soccer, I'm guessing."

"No, no more soccer. I'll play with the guys weekends and stuff but...oh well," she shrugged. "As for how I'll spend my days, Urahara said he could use a little extra help, maybe I'll find another job. I'm not really sure yet."

Yuzu sighed, and her sweetness quickly returned, if a little saddened. "Well, if you're sure this is what you want, sign the paperwork and I'll mail it tomorrow morning."

"Thanks."

Yuzu nodded and closed the door behind her.

Karin sighed and fell back on her bed. That hadn't gone as planned; she hated upsetting Yuzu. But now she could move on. Relatively, at least.

She had tried to return to her classes, but, halfway through her first class, she had realized how pointless and idle sitting there really was, and she'd walked out. School had never been for her. It's not like she wanted to be a doctor or a lawyer or anything aspiring like that. A part of her felt she wouldn't be able to figure out her future until she had figured out her past, and she was no closer to doing that than she had been the day she woke up on a cot in her father's clinic, surrounded by the unfamiliar faces of her family and friends. Or so it often seemed.

And now, there was _him_. He just further complicated things. She hadn't seen Toshiro for about a week now, but she could tell he was around. Every so often, she could sense his reiatsu, but he did a good job of masking it most of the time. He was like another piece to her unsolvable jigsaw puzzle, and she was no closer to seeing the full picture. She felt him over at Rukia's a lot--that _was_ his assignment, she knew--and she had repeatedly deliberated over making up some excuse to visit her sister-in-law...

Not that she cared or anything. He was a jerk. Why would she want to waste her time with him?

She sighed. _Besides the fact that he seems to know more about my past than I do? Or that he doesn't treat me like a complete child?_

Yoruichi was away, Urahara told her, so her lessons had been postponed "until further notice." She thought a break might be nice; it would give her time to think. But now she was restless, bored.

She trudged downstairs and found her father in the kitchen making a mess. "What are you doing?" she asked exasperatedly.

He spun on his heels and exclaimed, with a silly grin on his face, "My sweet Karin! How are you, my darling daughter?"

"Yuzu's going to kill you if you burn down her kitchen," she said.

"You're concern for your father is endearing, Karin, but there is no need to worry. Daddy will take his punishment bravely."

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever. What _are_ you doing?" she repeated.

"I'm making dinner," he said, sounding somewhat serious. "Yuzu needs a break."

Karin sat up a little straighter. "Wow, Dad. That's...nice of you," she said, trying not to sound too suspicious.

"I know. Daddy just loves his family so much," he said, sniffing histrionically, back to his foolish self. "And my other daughter is joining us tonight, so we'll have the _whole_ family together."

"Rukia's coming over?"

"Yup. Yuzu went to get her and your brother."

Karin started. Ichigo was back?

"You should invite that friend of yours, too."

Karin arched a brow in response.

"Daddy is not as dumb as he looks, sweet Karin. I know about that boy, the one with white hair-"

"Wait, you know _what_?" she asked, incredulous.

"Now, Karin," he said, leaning against the counter to look at her. "I know there comes a time in every young girl's life when you start having 'feelings' for boys; I just want you to know these are totally normal feelings, nothing to be embarrassed about-"

"Shut _up_, Dad. You have no idea what you're talking about." She mulled over how to best change the subject. "Are you sure it's best for Rukia to come over? She's pretty close to delivery and I think she's on bed rest."

"Now Karin, Daddy is a doctor. He knows what he's doing."

Karin rolled her eyes. This is just what she needed: a family dinner with her crazy family.

_Please let Karakura be attacked by Hollows tonight_, she begged silently to no one in particular.


	6. Sentiments

**Neither _Bleach_**** nor its characters belong to me**

**Enjoy**

* * *

"To hide the key to your heart is to risk forgetting where you placed it." -Timothy Childers

* * *

"Are you just going to sit out there all night or are you going to come in?"

Hitsugaya sat up at the sound of Rukia's voice. He spotted her standing in the doorway of the house below, hands on her hips and staring up at him expectantly. He stared at her, deliberating. He _had_ planned to sit out under the sky all night but...

He landed in front of her gracefully. He lost all composure, however, when he got a look at her. Her eyes were sunken in with bluish bags beneath them, her hair hung lifelessly, and, the biggest shock: her tiny frame was swollen with her pregnancy.

But she looked...happy. Relatively, at least.

She folded her arms across her chest before letting him pass. "Drop the pretenses. Ichigo asked you to watch me, didn't he?"

He scowled. "No," he said truthfully.

"Please," she said, disbelieving him. She turned around and marched into the house, and he followed her, closing the door behind him. "You don't have to lie for him."

He snorted. _Like I would._ "Believe me, I'm not."

She sat down at the kitchen table, her large stomach impeding her movements. He watched her as if she was an alien life form; her condition was so...foreign. He stepped forward to help her, but she succeeded in her efforts without him.

She sipped her tea, seemingly lost in her thoughts. "Why else would you be babysitting me?"

He sighed and she kicked a chair out from under the table for him.

"Sit. Make yourself comfortable."

He obliged but was hardly comfortable.

"So how often does he ask you to report in? Twice a day? Every hour? Every other minute?" she asked, her agitation obvious. "Does he not think I can take care of myself?"

Hitsugaya closed his eyes as he sighed again. He should have stayed on the roof. "I said it wasn't him."

"Well, then who the hell was it? I know you're not doing it out of the kindness of your heart."

He pursed his lips, debating whether or not to tell her. He didn't really like her attitude, but she'd just whine more if he held it from her. "It was Kuchiki-taicho."

That shut her up. She looked at him, nonplussed. "My brother?"

He nodded once.

She didn't respond. She stared into her tea, swishing her finger about along the top. "So Ichigo..."

"He's in Soul Society."

She nodded and leaned back, absentmindedly rubbing her enlarged stomach with one hand.

"How much longer?" he questioned, uncomfortable with the silence.

"The doctor said a week but Urahara thinks less than that."

"Urahara's qualified to make that assessment?"

She grimaced slightly. "Supposedly. But he's not going to be my obstetrician."

He didn't know what an obstetrician was but he didn't really want her to explain it to him; to clarify, he didn't want to know, period.

"Will...will he be back?" she asked, uncertainty apparent in her voice. She meant, "Will he be back _in time_?"

Something resembling sympathy struck him, but his reply was cool. "I believe so."

She nodded, satisfied. "Now, on to Karin."

He froze. "Karin? What about Karin?"

She stood slowly, gripping the table for support, and padded toward the kitchen. "You hungry? I'm hungry."

He scowled, disliking her swift change of subject. "Not really."

"Come on, you've got to be hungry. I'm sure the only thing you've eaten is bento boxes since you've been here. Am I right?"

She was, but he wasn't going to tell her that. She put two plates into the oven and sat back down at the table. "Karin does-"

"Rukia?" a voice called from behind the door.

She didn't stand, and she did not react to the voice calling her. In fact, he could have sworn she rolled her eyes. The door opened and Hitsugaya turned to see Ichigo enter.

"Hey, Rukia. How ya doin'?" he asked, stepping into the house.

"I'm fine, Kon. Urahara gave you his body?"

"Ya. For tonight. I'm supposed report back after dinner."

"So I have two babysitters now? And where is my husband?"

"You're the one who kicked him out," Kon stated pointedly.

She pursed her lips but didn't say anything.

Kon turned to Hitsugaya. "Urahara said you might be here."

"Where else would I be?" he mumbled, scowling and folding his arms across his chest.

Kon smirked.

When Kon had entered, Hitsugaya could have sworn he was looking at Ichigo. Now he sensed their different reiatsus but, initially, there had been no difference. He could see the difference; with Kon in his body, Ichigo's eyes were alight with a carefree soul, his face free of that signature scowl. There was a decided difference.

"He said I might also find you with a certain, dark-haired sister of Ichigo," he said, brows raised.

Hitsugaya tried not to let his face reveal any emotion, but his jaw clenched involuntarily.

"Is that right?" Kon asked, cocking his head to the side. "You should know then that I too see Karin as my sister, and I'm not afraid to go bankai on your ass."

"You don't have bankai; you're not even a shinigami," Hitsugaya stated bluntly.

"Maybe not, but I've got a mean kick." He leaned down and put a pointed finger in Hitsugaya's face. "Hurt her, and you'll answer to me. Got it?"

Hitsugaya stood, eye level to Kon. They stared each other down until Rukia stepped in between them. "Yes, we know. You're both big, strong, chauvinistic men. Bravo. Now sit down or get out. I can't deal with all this bullsh-"

"I'm just looking out for Karin," Kon argued defensively.

_And I'm not?_ But Hitsugaya held his tongue.

Rukia started to play with the food on her plate. "Karin is perfectly capable of taking care of herself. If she needs help, she'll ask."

His phone rang and he flipped it open. "Yes?"

Rukia could hear his vice-captain's shrill voice on the other side of the line.

"No, I won't be back in time to sign off on this month's paperwork. You'll just have to sign it for me," he told Matsumoto with a scowl. He paused as a response came over the line, and then his jaw clenched tightly. "What do you mean you didn't do it? I thought I told you--I don't care about parties. You should have done your job before--just get it done before I get back or I swear-"

Rukia heard a distinct _click_ and Hitsugaya sighed.

"I need to-"

"Nee-san," Yuzu, at the door, interrupted.

Hitsugaya froze.

Kon turned and opened the door, stepping into a familiar role. "Hey, Yuzu," he said, sounding a bit more like Ichigo.

"Hey, Ichi-nii," she greeted warmly. "You and Rukia ready?" She looked past Ichigo, into the room, and spotted Rukia at the table. Her expression fell a little. "Oh. You've eaten."

It was then that Hitsugaya realized Yuzu could not seen him.

Rukia waved her off. "That was just a snack. I'm starved."

"Okay, good. Um," Yuzu glanced around, "is Karin's friend here yet? Should we wait for him?"

Rukia's brows furrowed and Kon looked to her for a signal.

"Dad said...he'd be here," Yuzu said, now unsure.

"Who?" Rukia asked.

"Hitsugaya-something. I'm not really sure. Dad just said he was supposed to join us."

Rukia threw a subtle glance at Hitsugaya, who shook his head obstinately. She smiled slightly. "Oh, right! Yes, he called; he's running a bit late." Hitsugaya threw her a murderous glare. "He'll meet us there."

Yuzu smiled. "Great! You ready then?"

"Yes," she nodded, but then looked around the room. "Oh, I think I left my bag upstairs. Would you mind getting it?"

Yuzu shook her head. "No, of course not," she said heading to the stairs.

When she was sure Yuzu was out of earshot, Rukia turned to Hitsugaya. "I'll never forgive you if you don't show up," she said.

"And I care about your forgiveness because?" he asked, folding his arms. "I'm not going."

"You're acting like a child," she sighed, exasperated. "Look, whatever issues you and Karin are having, you need to work them out. We can't play run around until I give birth."

"You said it'd only be a week more," he mumbled, but he saw her point.

"Get your gigai and if you're not at the Kurosaki's in ten minutes, I'll-" she tried to think up a viable threat, "let Kon 'go bankai' on your ass...and then I'll tell Ichigo, who will _really_ kick your ass." Her face softened a bit. "I know a lot has...transpired between to two of you, and I'm not just talking about the past few weeks. Just-Just do this-"

"Fine," he bit.

She started, her eyes widening. She thought she'd have to push harder. "Really?"

He nodded but looked away. "The blond one's back," he said and he was gone.

She turned to see Yuzu's expectant face. "Ready?"

* * *

Hitsugaya shoved his hands into his pockets as he exited the Urahara Shoten. He was _not_ looking forward to dinner tonight, though he was thankful Isshin had given him _some_ notice, or, a better word, warning. He had purposely avoided any and all contact with Karin all week. He needed time and space to sort through his...feelings. A week was hardly long enough, but it was better than nothing. He now had a plan, a resolute plan, and if he could just stick to it, he wouldn't wind up in the dirt...again.

_She doesn't remember_ anything, he mulled.

Besides, thanks to Isshin, his ever-so-helpful vice-captain, and, apparently, the powers that be, he now would be spending an indefinite amount of time with Karin. In Soul Society. In the 10th Division barracks.

_Oh joy._

The walk to the Kurosaki's wasn't nearly long enough, and he stood outside and watched the front door for a while. Light emanated a soft yellow out the windows, and he could hear laughter. It also smelled like something was burning.

He did _not_ want to be here.

This is how it all got started last time. He had been so resolute not to have unnecessary contact with humans, to use his gigai only when absolutely necessary. But just as luck would have it, he'd managed to run into a girl who could see him sans gigai. Even better: she was Kurosaki's sister. He could-_should_ have ended it; he should have left, never to see her again, and gone off, forgetting...but he didn't. Something about her...he'd _wanted_ to spend time with her. He'd _wanted_ to get to know her.

He never would have, though; he never would have stayed. But she, in all her persistency, wouldn't take "no" for an answer. He'd finally relented, and then found he enjoyed spending time with her.

And spending time with her led to more.

He'd never admit it, not to himself or to anybody else, but he had let his heart get involved. Something about her made the cold confines of his heart just melt away.

Not again. Never again.

That was then, and, now, he knew better. He knew better than to invest in a friendship with a human.

_She doesn't remember_ anything, he repeated as if to reassure himself. _She has no expectations and I get a clean slate. The only relationship we'll have from now on is that of teacher and student, captain and subordinate. Nothing more._

"You going to stand out here all night, Hitsugaya-taicho?"

Hitsugaya started. He hadn't sensed Isshin's approach. "I was coming in," he said gruffly, slightly put out.

"Well, don't take forever."

He paused. "Are you telling her tonight?"

"If everything goes as planned," Isshin said.

Hitsugaya went to follow him back around the side of the house, but Isshin stopped him. "No, no, I was just taking out the trash. Guests use the front door."

He opened his mouth to argue but the older man turned on his heel without a backward glance. His irritation grew.

He did _not_ want to be here.

He stood on the porch, fist posed to rap on the door, and took a deep breath. He hadn't signed up for this. He didn't want to care, he didn't want to be involved...he missed being alone, he missed the quiet.

But he had nothing left to lose at this point.

He knocked.

The door swung open.

_Damn_, he thought, giving himself a mental shake. He missed having control of his own heartbeat.

Karin's dark eyes grew wide as she looked up at him and her mouth fell open. "You? What are you doing here?"


	7. Uncertainty

**Neither _Bleach_ nor its characters belong to me.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves." -Richard Bach

* * *

Before Hitsugaya could answer, Isshin, once again acting the fool, nearly barreled over his daughter to get to the door.

"Karin! Don't be so rude. Introduce Daddy to your friend!" he said, readjusting his neon green apron and matching chef's hat.

Karin folded her arms across her chest and scowled. "He's not my friend and I don't know what he's doing here-"

"Oh my daughter, no need to feign ignorance for Daddy. Don't be so stiff! Your frown will freeze on your face, just like your brother's," he said in his strange method of giving fatherly advice. "I know who Hitsugaya-san is!"

Karin started and her eyes grew wide again as she looked to her father. "Y-you do?"

Isshin reached over Karin to shake Hitsugaya's hand enthusiastically.

"Of course! He's your brother's friend from work. We've spoken before. He's a doctor, too, just like your daddy! Now, don't be rude and invite him in," he commanded, prancing theatrically back to the kitchen. "Dinner is almost ready," he announced.

Karin looked back at Hitsugaya and gave him a once-over. Finally, through gritted teeth, she said, "Won't you come in, Hitsugaya-san?"

He nodded cooly once and stepped inside. He could see Rukia speaking with Yuzu on the couch, and Kon was engaged with Isshin outside the kitchen, and their conversation looked serious, despite the anything-_but_-serious personalities of the two speaking.

Karin's hands on his shoulders startled him until he realized she was offering to take his coat. He shrugged out of it fluidly.

"I know Ichigo doesn't really work at the hospital. What are you doing here?" she asked again, but she no longer sounded surprised. She didn't sound upset though, either. She asked it like it was just a question.

He turned to face her. He must have grown even taller in these three years. Although tall for a girl--definitely taller than Rukia--the top of her head barely reached his shoulders. He had been much closer to her height when she had been fifteen. She looked...pretty. Her now-long hair was clipped back and she wore a maroon V-neck sweater that accentuated her pale skin. It was a different look from that of her shinigami robes. She _looked_ like a human girl, a normal, human girl with her whole life ahead of her, and yet he was about to swoop in and help take that all away from her. It was per her wishes, but that didn't make it easier...or right. He swallowed, fighting to control his nerves and emotions.

"I-"

"Toshiro!" Kon said, more or less like Ichigo, coming over to shake his hand. "Glad you could make it." No, Ichigo was never this cordial.

He struggled not to correct his name and shook his hand. "Kurosaki."

"Come. Sit. I see you've met my sister Karin," he said, leading them both over to the sofas. "You know my wife Rukia. And this is my other sister Yuzu. Toshiro works at the hospital with me."

Hitsugaya nodded, somewhat awkwardly, to Yuzu in greeting. "Nice to meet you."

Karin scowled at her brother. "Quit acting weird."

Kon looked at her and shrugged. It appeared Karin did know about Kon and noticed when Kon did not act like Ichigo. Her glare was telling him to snap into character, but no one seemed to notice or care, especially Kon.

"Don't be so mean to my idiot son, Karin," Isshin called from the kitchen. "He's giving me my first grandchild!"

Rukia rolled her eyes but smiled slightly.

"Do you need help in the kitchen, Dad?" Yuzu asked.

"No, no. Daddy has everything under control. You just help your brother help Rukia to the table."

Hitsugaya scowled. He had better things to do than attend a Kurosaki family dinner. He did not need to be here for Isshin to announce to his daughter--and the rest of his family--that he was shipping her off without her consent, nor did he want to be. Especially with part of the family totally unaware of her family's supernatural tendencies. How was this going to go down anyway? "By the way, my dear and loving family, Karin will be attending a school for death gods"?

_I don't think so._

He watched Kon help Rukia to the table and Yuzu flutter to the kitchen, only to have Isshin shoo her out. He watched from the sidelines, not wanting to get in the way and halfway hoping he'd find an opportunity to split. Or maybe his Hollow phone would buzz him away.

"Did my father invite you?" Karin asked from his side.

He looked down at her; she had forgotten, momentarily, that she was still standing there. Her arms were folded across her chest defensively and she looked as if she expected a truthful, straightforward answer.

"Yes."

"Why? Who does he think you are?"

He still couldn't believe she didn't know the truth about her father. Ichigo was one matter, but Karin? She should have been able to figure it out. Her father wasn't exactly inconspicuous, though he did hide his reiatsu expertly.

"Like he said, I'm a friend of Ichigo's from work."

She moved to stand in front of him, blocking his path to the table. "Cut the crap, Hitsugaya-_taicho_. What are you doing here?" she asked for the third time.

He looked down at her, resigned. Urahara and Isshin had come up with a cover story, one that kept Isshin's identity secret and sounded plausible, but something about lying to Karin made him feel a little sick. Lying in general made him sick. Lies just build and consume and destroy, like fire. And they end up being hard to keep track of. He'd prefer Karin just know the truth, all of it, if need be, even though that would further complicate just about everything. Namely her memories.

He nodded to the side, indicating she follow him back into the foyer, out of the earshot of her family. "Yoruichi got you into the shinigami academy," he said, perhaps too bluntly.

Her brow furrowed and her mouth fell open a little. "What?"

"Yes, Urahara sent me earlier to talk to your father about an internship at the hospital."

She closed her mouth but her scowl remained. He was jumping around too quickly. "An internship? I...I don't understand-"

He sighed frustratedly. "Would you rather tell your father and sister all about Soul Society and your aspiring dream of being a death god? Or would things go smoother if you were simply taking an internship at the hospital to explore a career in medicine?"

A pause, then realization dawned in her expression. She ran the plot through in her head, looking for flaws or loopholes.

_This is what I've wanted, for so long._

But she couldn't believe it was that easy. "But if I'm just working at the hospital in town-"

"Not Karakura Hospital. You'll be at a sister hospital...in Kyoto."

Her eyes grew wide and she wrapped her arms around her stomach. "In Kyoto? But that's-"

"You're not _really_ going to Kyoto, remember; you're going to Soul Society. This is serious, Kurosaki. If this is what you want, you have to pursue it wholeheartedly. Yes, you will be separated from your family, but not forever. If this is important to you, prove it. Don't let your doubts get in your way, not now, not when the path has finally opened for you. Not when you've worked so hard."

She looked up at him, slightly in awe. That was perhaps the most she'd ever heard him say, and his words were heartfelt and encouraging. Warm. They answered her questions before she'd asked them. Was this the ice captain who had been burning her so badly the past few weeks? His eyes were serious and intensely beautiful and felt as if they were searching her very soul until she couldn't bare his gaze any longer and looked away.

He stood up straighter and his jaw tightened a little. But he wasn't upset. "So tonight, you're father is going to tell you about this 'internship,' and, having talked to him earlier, I know he is going to suggest you take it. But, ultimately, it's your decision."

She nodded, but did not look back up at him. He moved to pass her, but she grabbed his forearm before he disappeared into the other room. His skin was ice-cold and her stomach clenched at the contact. "Wait."

He did as she asked, but he did not turn to meet her eyes.

"Why you?" she asked.

He blinked. "Why me what?"

"Why'd Urahara send you to speak with my father? Why are you getting invested in my enrollment at the academy? In constructing this hoax for my family?"

_Why _am_ I doing it? I shouldn't invest any more of myself in this girl or her family but...why do I want to? The best thing for her would be for me to just step aside, step out of her life for good, like she wanted, like she requested before her accident. Her true desires couldn't have really changed just because her memories did. _

Something changed in his eyes. His jaw tightened again and he gently pulled his arm out of her touch, but he answered, "Because I will be responsible for you during your stay in Soul Society."

* * *

Karin could barely breathe let alone think. He was going to be "_responsible_" for her in Soul Society? What the _hell_ did that mean?

He stood there, watching her warily for a minute more before, apparently deciding to give her space, he turned to join her family in the other room.

Her emotions were riding the fence. On one side, she was furious. How dare he be that presumptuous. She did not need a-a chaperone, she did not need anyone to be responsible for her. She'd be fine on her own.

On the other side, she was...relieved. Abnormally so, but there was this immense relief in knowing she wouldn't be alone.

_I'm really going to Soul Society? Is...is this what I really want? It is, but why...why does something feel off? Why am I not happier? This is what I want!_

She rounded the corner slowly to see Toshiro sitting at the table with Rukia and Yuzu. Yuzu was attempting small talk, and his polite smile looked more like a grimace. He looked _so_ uncomfortable. She leaned against the wall and began biting the tip of her thumb nervously.

_What is he doing this? This is definitely not a Gotei 13 captain's job. Why is he here? He's way out of his comfort zone; why hasn't he gone back to Soul Society? Why does he venture out of the Urahara Shoten at all? There couldn't possibly be something in the human world keeping him here..._

She put her thoughts in reverse and chose not to go that way again. She needn't get her hopes up. He must have been ordered to be her--what was an appropriate word?--babysitter.

_There's no way he would ever volunteer._

Rukia laughed at something Yuzu said and Toshiro's smile became more sincere, though remained just a sliver.

There was something...right about this scene. It felt right, it looked right; in fact, it looked _familiar_.

She hated that she couldn't remember! It was getting really old, these haunting, familiar feelings encroaching on her heart and the depths of her very soul. She was still missing a part of herself.

Why did it feel as though Toshiro held a missing piece?

_Maybe because I entrusted him with one._

That possibility sent her reeling. Why couldn't anyone just be honest with her?

She had so many unanswered questions, it was beginning to piss her off.

He looked different in human clothes. He'd always stand out, what with his white hair totally defying the laws of nature, society, and gravity all at once. He'd also be considered extremely handsome, however. She nearly drowned in his eyes. And his perfect body...and his flawless, snow-white skin...there just weren't words-

"Karin, come sit down."

Her father's voice interrupted her thoughts, and Karin refocused to see her whole family, sans Ichigo's soul, now seated at the table with Toshiro.

"Sorry," she said, but when she got closer, she noticed the only open seat was the one next to Toshiro. She sat down wordlessly.

_Great_. But she really didn't feel as irritated as she thought she would.

Dinner looked less than appetizing, but at least it looked edible. Dishes were passed around, plates were filled, and neither Karin nor Hitsugaya looked at the other.

"Dad, this is...really good," Yuzu managed between painful swallows.

"Inoue's cooking is better than this," Karin mumbled under her breath and, though no one else at the table seemed to hear, she could have sworn she saw Toshiro smirk, if only slightly.

"Why we're all together, I have some exciting news for Karin," Isshin said.

At the same time, Rukia gasped and Kon stood and shouted, "Rukia, why are you all wet?"

Time froze as all eyes flew to Rukia's face, which was growing ever paler.

Kon's eyes grew even wider as realization struck and his hands flew to his hair. "Shit! She's in labor!"

* * *

**Please review :)**


	8. Interlude

**Neither **_**Bleach**_** nor its characters belong to me.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"The courses of true love never did run smooth." -William Shakespeare

* * *

"Where'd Hitsugaya-san go?"

Karin looked up in response to her sister's question. They had been in the hospital waiting room for a good four hours and hadn't heard anything yet. Toshiro had left nearly seconds after Kon's announcement, as everyone else scrambled to help Rukia to the car, and headed for Urahara's, without saying a word to her--Kon had managed to slip away as soon as Rukia was wheeled away, presumably to return Ichigo's body to the father-to-be. He'd shown up at the hospital forty-five minutes later with an uncharacteristically nervous Ichigo and a stoic-looking Urahara, and the three of them had breezed through the "Authorized Access Only" doors as if there were no doors at all, unnoticed and unconcerned with hospital procedure, leaving Karin and Yuzu in the waiting room.

"Maybe he had patients to see or something," she said, shrugging it off, although his being back there didn't really make sense. He wasn't _really_ a doctor.

Yuzu began to pace. "Why's it taking so long? Is it supposed to take this long? Why hasn't anyone told us anything?"

Karin flipped through her magazine mindlessly. "Sit down, Yuzu. Everything is fine, I'm sure."

"But you don't _know_."

Karin rolled her eyes but tried to remain at least somewhat sympathetic to her sister's concern. She looked up at her with a knowing look. "Would Ichi _ever_ let _anything_ happen to Rukia? Ever?"

Yuzu's brow arched and her look mirrored her sister's. She knew the answer. She swallowed and sat, but continued to wring her hands. "You're right."

Karin went back to her magazine. She had a growing headache and the stuffiness of the hospital waiting room wasn't helping any. The room was full, and she was sure there were more on the way. Fifteen minutes after Toshiro, Ichigo, and Urahara had shown up, Tessai, Ururu, and Jinta had arrived. Then Yoruichi came, accompanied by Renji; they had come from Soul Society where she had informed Kuchiki-taicho, along with a few others, of the news. Kuchiki-taicho was supposedly on his way but hadn't yet decided to "grace" them with his presence. Inoue was there, sitting with Ishida, and Chad occupied the far corner. At least he was quiet.

She was trying to let that, although Jinta claimed to "love" her sister, he had done nothing to calm or comfort Yuzu irk her. She pushed those thoughts aside and tried to focus on her magazine.

Suddenly, the doors swung open and Toshiro stepped into the room. He stopped when he noticed all the eyes in the room on him but recovered quickly. He only glanced at Karin once before shoving his hands in his jacket pockets and heading down the hall.

"She's fine," he announced quietly before making his exit.

Karin threw the magazine down and hurried after him.

"Tosh-" she sighed and corrected herself, "Hitsugaya-taicho, wait," she called.

He stopped and looked around. "Watch what you call me. You humans don't exactly run around using honorifics and military titles."

She scowled noticeably. What was _with_ this guy? What had happened to him to make him so...cold? "Call you taicho, don't call you taicho," she mocked, holding her hands out like a balance scale, "make up your mind, Toshiro."

He glowered at her but continued to walk wordlessly. She followed and matched his pace. She was having difficulty reading his mood; he seemed broody and cold...but cold wasn't exactly new. She was used to that aspect of his disposition. She didn't know where he was going--she didn't think _he_ even knew where he was going--but she followed anyway. The nighttime breeze was cool but pleasant as they stepped out of the hospital. He remained silent and she tried to let the fact that he hadn't looked at her since leaving the hospital get to her.

"Shouldn't you be with your family?" he asked suddenly.

She started, but recovered and shrugged. "It'll probably be a few more hours. They don't need me this minute."

Silence.

She pursed her lips. "Wanna get some coffee or something?" she tried.

He glanced at her from the corner of his eye but looked away swiftly.

She smirked, desperately trying not to let it develop into a full-blown smile. "Do you know what coffee _is_?"

He didn't look at her and shrugged.

The wind picked up and she shivered.

He stopped and said, "You're cold; let's go back," and he held his arm out to turn her around.

She shook her head and slipped her arm into his. "No, there's a coffee shop around the corner. It'll be warm there."

She didn't notice his wide-eyed expression as she lead him down the street. He watched her as she headed steadfastly into the wind. She was...different than other girls, that much he knew. Yet, despite the memory loss, she was still very much the same individual, the same spirit she had been before. She was bold and fearless and had this contagious love of life...he didn't really understand it.

They arrived at the coffee shop and she was right: it was warm. She led him to a table in the back and said, "Sit. I'll get the coffee."

Hitsugaya complied wordlessly as she returned to the front counter. He watched her as she walked in front of the pastry shelf, inspected various sweets behind the glass; as she interacted with the boy behind the register and laughed--a sincere, animated laugh which lit up her whole face and shone in her eyes--at something he must have said; as she balanced the cups skillfully in her hands with tiny white packets sitting on the lids. She was graceful and confident.

He was getting sucked back in, back into her captivating persona.

Again.

She sat across from him and handed him one of the cups. "Try it," she said, though watching him apprehensively as she began emptying three of the white packets into her own cup.

Tentatively, he brought the cup to his lips, but when he tasted the brown, bitter liquid, he recoiled in disgust. "Ugh," he grunted, "this is awful."

Her smile threw him off. "It's...different," she admitted. "Add some sugar."

His scowl wasn't terribly pronounced, but it was there. "How do you drink that stuff?"

She shrugged and smiled slightly. "I'm addicted to it." To his raised brow, she clarified, "Like your vice-captain and sake, or so my brother tells me."

His scowl hardened, and she laughed. "But not as bad, I assure you. The aspects aren't as negative, either. Just...long, sleepless nights."

He placed his coffee back on the table and, leaning back, folded his arms across his chest.

Karin tried to mask it, but her expression fell a little; he noticed. She sighed and seemed to stare into the depths of the cup. "You haven't been around much," she stated softly.

His scowl softened, especially in the creases between his eyes, but a slight frown remained set on his lips.

She leaned forward. "Look, I'm not suggesting we become best friends here, but could we at least act...civilly? I mean, I don't know what this...aversion you have toward me is--I'm sorry if the pre-shinigami Karin did something to you, I truly am-"

He opened his mouth to respond but she held her hand up. "I really don't know what my enrollment in the academy means, but I do _feel_ it will give me some answers. Maybe not all but at least some. You have no idea how badly I need answers. I'm sorry." She was laying her whole self--heart and soul--on the table now. She was tearing down her walls, if only for this moment, and letting herself be temporarily vulnerable. He chose to let her but resolved to harden his heart in response. He didn't want her getting hurt. Again. He watched her swallow before she continued. "I don't want you to be, to _feel_ responsible for me, in any way," she said, angling her head down to look up at him, her piercingly dark eyes holding his. "I'm not afraid, and I am capable of taking care of myself. I _can_ take care of myself."

He thought for a moment. He hated that she thought of herself as a burden. She was truly talented and had immense spiritual pressure...Soul Society would make her stronger, better. It was what he needed. He wouldn't be selfish enough to stand in her way.

"I know," he said simply.

She blinked, having expected a fight. _What the hell?_ He was so bipolar it was driving her crazy! Before she could comment further, her phone rang.

He watched her dig her phone out of her pocket and flip it open.

"Hello?"

Words floated from the other side of the line and her eyes widened slightly and a smile touched her lips before she flipped the phone shut.

"It's a boy."

* * *

The hospital room was even more crowded than the waiting room had been. Ichigo hovered protectively over his wife, who was holding their new son; Byakuya stood on Rukia's other side, and odd, awe-filled expression on his face. Everyone was uncharacteristically silent, too.

The whole room, filled with usually loudmouthed, argumentative, uncontrollable shinigami and humans and non-humans, who, at one time or another had either hated or fought with one another.

It was weird.

Especially to Hitsugaya Toshiro.

It seemed like everyone who had ever been involved with Kurosaki was in the room: everyone who had been in the waiting room; Isshin and Urahara; Tatsuki; Hanataro, who had shown up with Ganju; Ukitake-taicho, who had arrived to check on his vice-captain and the "newest member of Squad 13"--Kyouraku-taicho had tagged along and, of course, his vice-captain was at his side; even Ikkaku and Yumichika were there. Supposedly Kenpachi had tried to come, but Ichigo had made it clear that "no way in hell" did he want that "crazy lunatic" anywhere near his son.

Hitsugaya stood in the far corner of the room, away from everybody else. The incredible amount of reiatsu drowning the room normally would have been bothersome and overwhelming, but oddly enough it was under control.

Karin was sitting on the edge of Rukia's bed, smiling at her sister-in-law and new nephew. She looked happy, too. She _was_ happy; he could feel it.

It just wasn't clicking for him. How could such a tiny..._thing_ render a whole room silent, still?

Suddenly, Urahara was leaning against the wall next to him, mirroring his stance. The older shinigami folded his arms across his chest after pushing his hat down over his eyes.

Hitsugaya wondered what the man was thinking, but chose not to ask. His eyes returned to the scene in front of him, and he saw Ichigo reach for his son and, with an indescribable expression on his face, cradle the small baby gently in his massive arms.

Hitsugaya swallowed, trying to understand what he was feeling. "He looks...different somehow," he stated quietly, almost inaudibly. He surveyed the usually obnoxious, insolently disrespectful, aggressively disobedient orange-haired substitute shinigami with wonder. The man was none of those things at the moment--except for the orange-haired part--and it truly left Hitsugaya stunned. Holding his new son, Ichigo was calm and in a state of dumbstruck awe; he just looked at the little bundle in his arms, not saying a word, as if there were no need for words, as if the feeling washing over him was simply understood. Hitsugaya did not understand how such a little..._thing_--weak, vulnerable and totally incapable of self-sufficiency--could have such a hold on the man. It didn't make sense.

"Happiness changes a man," Urahara observed quietly in response.

_Happiness? A crying, drooling, needy thing is a wellspring of happiness?_

Nope, still made no sense.

But his gaze travelled around the room. Every person present had their eyes glued on the small child, even the stone-hearted Kuchiki-taicho, as if the baby was emitting some trance spell that turned the people around him into mush. They congratulated the new parents, cooed at the tiny babe, fought--but in an amiable manner--over who would have the next turn holding him.

Even the famous/infamous Kurosaki Ichigo scowl was absent.

Quietly, he passed Urahara and slipped out of the room. He wasn't needed there, nor did he particularly _want_ to be there.

Once out of the hospital, he popped in his gikongan and, in soul form, sprinted past the noise and masses and distractions of the city to the outskirts of town, to the trees, to the dark, where he let the quiet and solitude consume him.

* * *

Karin looked up; somehow, she managed to tear her eyes away from her adorable new nephew. The room felt completely emptied--like an ever-present current suddenly died--the minute Toshiro left. She hadn't seen his departure, but she'd sensed it, sensed it in her very core.

Immediately, she felt despondent. Like someone had like someone had just told her her best friend died.

Why did he have to be so distant, so cold? Why couldn't he socialize with everyone else? Why couldn't he just _talk_ to _her_? Were words so difficult? Did he dislike her that much?

She sighed. _More questions...still no answers._ She had a bone to pick with whoever invented the rhetorical question; they were totally useless grammatical devices, and, right now, she hated them.

Rukia threw her a concerned look, but Karin waved her off. This was a happy moment; who was she to rain on everyone else's parade?

She only hoped she wouldn't be this miserable in Soul Society.

* * *

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	9. Haze

**Neither **_**Bleach**_** nor its characters belong to me.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." -J.R.R. Tolkien

* * *

"Karin," he whispered softly.

She smiled as his icy-hot breath caressed her ear. She hadn't sensed him near, but he now stood behind her and wrapped strong, steady arms around her waist. She had been unfocused, staring out at everything, nothing that lay before her. It was as if nothing else mattered, only the present, only the now. She smiled as he pressed a soft kiss to the sensitive skin behind her ear.

"Have I told you how beautiful you are?" he asked.

"Hm, not today," she teased breathlessly.

He brought her hand to his lips and kissed each of her fingers. "Shame on me."

She turned and wrapped her arms around his neck, twirled her fingers into his silver-white hair. His face was emotionless, but his turquoise eyes smiled down at her.

How she loved this man.

A peace washed over her body and her soul and her heart. _This is right._

As he brought his head down to claim her lips with his own, he disappeared, the world around them disappeared, and she found herself, alone, in a storm of cold sleet and snow and darkness.

"Ka-rin," a distant female voice sang. "Ka-rin."

Karin stood, trying to shield her face from the bitterness. "I'm here! Where are you?"

"Are you ready?" she asked. "Are you ready to learn the truth?"

"I am! Please! I-"

"Soon..."

There was a knock on her door.

"Karin?"

It was Yuzu's voice.

Karin sat up as the light of the setting sun assaulted her eyes. She had been asleep. "_Damn_..." she whined, frustrated. Without giving herself time to dwell--or, more accurately, to obsess and analyze with the precision of an overzealous psychology major--on what had taken place in her dream world, she sat up and said, "Yeah?"

The door opened and Yuzu entered, carrying a large cardboard box. Karin brought her knees to her chest and made room for her sister to sit beside her on the bed. "How's Rukia and Ichigo and Eiji doing?" she asked.

Yuzu smiled. "They are well. Rukia's tired, but Ichigo's enamored. He's totally wrapped around that little boy's finger. They were sorry you're not feeling well."

Karin nodded. It was hard to believe her idiot of an older brother was a father, a dad, but Ichigo took to fatherhood as well as, if not better than he'd taken to the sword, like it was this innate instinct that had completely taken over. It was pretty awesome to witness, the transformation of her brother. It might take some time getting used to, though.

Not that she had time. She'd be leaving soon.

She shrugged. "I'll stop by later. I'm feeling better. But I'm sure they all need rest, too."

Karin looked at her sister as her sister's eyes travelled to the box sitting in front of her and an unfamiliar longing appeared in her warm brown eyes. "What is this, Yuzu?" she asked, peering down at her.

Her sister swallowed and hesitated, as if considering her answer carefully. "This," she started, her hands resting on the lid of the box, "is yours."

Karin pursed her lips and waited for her to continue.

Yuzu took a deep breath. "I-I know you're going...away for a while. I think you should have this."

"What is this?" Karin repeated. All Yuzu knew was that she had taken the "internship" in Kyoto...and that Hitsugaya had transfered there as well to help "keep an eye on his friend's sister." In other words: be her babysitter, which wasn't a complete lie.

Yuzu opened the box to reveal papers--slightly yellowed--and picture frames and tiny mementos. She grabbed a stack of photos and started sifting through them mindlessly. She then handed them to Karin, who took them tentatively, apprehensive to what they might be of. She'd never seen them or this box before.

"These are all yours from...before your accident. I," she paused. Karin took her hand and squeezed. For some reason, this was hard for her; her twin was struggling with the contents lying within the box, whatever they were. Yuzu looked up at her, certainty now present and clear in her eyes, and continued with more confidence, "I thought it best to collect these after your accident, to put them away until--well...I was afraid you would get frustrated, unable to remember. But now...I think you need these. Especially if you're leaving with him."

Karin shot her a look. "I'm just going to Kyoto, a few hours away."

Yuzu smiled slightly. "I'm not as clueless as I seem, Karin. I may not be one hundred percent sure about everything that goes on, but I'm not stupid."

Karin squirmed.

"I remember him," she said, her blond brows raised expectantly, "You spent...a great deal of time with him a few years ago. I know he's not just Ichigo's friend from work. He was your friend, too. You were really happy then."

Karin looked at the photos in her hand. One caught her eye and she froze, swallowing the growing lump in her throat with difficulty.

Yuzu clicked her tongue and stood. "I'll, uh, leave you to it." And she left her alone with the box.

Karin watched her sister leave, but the minute the door closed her eyes flew to the photo in her hands--the series of photos, actually. On the top of the pile, it was a progression of photo booth pictures. She looked about fifteen; her hair was short, maybe reaching her shoulders, and she was wearing a backwards baseball cap and a soccer jersey.

What caught her eye, however, was the companion in the strip of photos with her: Toshiro--well, a younger-looking version of Toshiro. Six pictures of them, together, and she looked...happy. Her expression changed in every picture--she rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out in one, scrunched her face and held out a peace sign in another--but she looked _so_ happy. His expression, however, did not change in the slightest; it remained icily solid and yet, somehow, not _completely_ distant, and his arms were folded across his chest brusquely. Until the last picture.

In the second to last picture, she was grinning at him coyly, a mischievous gleam in her eyes, perceptible even in the film. In the last picture, his expression had changed to one of momentary shock as she pressed her lips to his cheek. She had obviously caught him by surprise; his eyes--his beautiful, turquoise eyes--were wide, his brows arched high, and his arms were captured mid-unfolding. He hadn't seen her spontaneous kiss coming.

Her eyes were closed, as if she were in a state of complete, unadulterated bliss. She was _happy_.

An unidentified emotion began flowing through Karin as she looked at the picture, willing herself to remember. She began to tremble, and she dropped the stack of pictures. But the sight that assailed her as the photographs littered her bedroom floor made her heart beat faster. There weren't many; a couple dozen at the most. Most of them, if not all of them, were of Toshiro. Or of her and Toshiro. At the park. At the mall. By the river. Most of them looked candid, like he had been in the middle of saying something to her--or admonishing her, more likely, by the look of his numerous piqued-looking expressions--and she had just snapped three or four consecutive pictures. He wasn't smiling in any of them, though.

Not one.

She stood, not fully understanding why she was getting so worked up. She was struggling to breathe and she felt as though her heart was going to pound straight out of her chest.

_What's wrong with me? I'm _not_ this weak!_

She crossed the room and sat on the floor, her back to the closet, just staring at the pictures now blanketing the floor. She grabbed the box and started digging through it, looking for other signs. There was a couple of faded movie ticket stubs, a pair of purple shoelaces tied in a fancy knot, a green strip of cloth with what looked to be a bloodstain, an odd-looking round gold clip.

She kicked the box away, growing seriously peeved. _This is all junk! What was this to me? Why did I save-_have_ this stuff in the first place? Why can't I remember?_ She was on the verge of hot, angry tears, but she did _not_ want to cry. She was sick of her emotions getting the best of her. She _hated_ crying!

"Karin, stop!"

Karin looked up, expecting to see her sister.

But the room was empty save herself. She looked around for the source of the command.

"Get up, Karin. Pick up your sword."

Okay, now she was really freaked out.

"You think you're ready? You want control?" the voice, now distinctively female, asked almost sardonically.

Karin was silent for a moment. How was she supposed to respond? Out loud? Did she need to speak at all?

"No," she answered, "you don't. It doesn't make a difference to me, though."

Karin swallowed before responding quietly, "Who are you?"

She could hear the woman's smile in her voice. It was _that_ voice, the one from her meditation, the one from her dream. "You know who I am. We've even met before."

"When?" she asked quickly.

The voice laughed. "It's time, Karin. Pick up your sword. Earn your right to wield me."

At that, there was an intense pressure, beyond that of any headache she'd ever had, appeared in her head. She winced and gripped her temples.

"You must fight it, Karin! You have to will yourself-"

"It hurts," Karin barely whispered, struggling to keep her footing.

The woman sighed, and Karin felt as if she was being released from an invisible hold, and the pain disappeared. "You're not ready..." she said, her voice fading.

Karin stood and grabbed the table to steady herself when a wave of nausea ran over her. "Wait-"

An emptiness permeated the room and her soul, and, suddenly weak, she let herself fall to her knees. She was alone once more and seemingly more confused than ever.

* * *

From the street, Kurosaki Isshin could feel his daughter's reiatsu fluctuate irregularly. He sighed. For so long he'd done everything he could to protect his family.

Yet first Ichigo...now Karin...his painstakingly crafted facade was unraveling at the seams.

_I'm sorry...Masaki..._

"You'll hurt yourself if you think too hard," came an all too familiar voice.

Isshin smirked without looking to the approaching man.

_Clack. Tap. Clack. Tap. Clack. Tap._ The man's sandals would have announced his presence if he hadn't spoken up first.

"Thanks for the advice, old man."

"'Old man'? Who are _you_ calling an old man, grandpa?"

Isshin laughed gruffly. "Touche."

Urahara Kisuke stopped next to him and mirrored his stance, stared at Karin's window, too. After a moment he said, "She'll be fine, you know."

Isshin nodded. "I know." He mindlessly leaned against the car behind him and folded his arms across his chest.

"You don't look very convinced," Urahara observed, swinging his cane in a deliberate circle.

"Hm," was the only response offered.

"You know, it might actually help if she knew the truth about-"

"Me?" he interrupted. He shook his head and rubbed his beard. "No, not yet."

Urahara set his jaw, nodded once, and shrugged. He knew there was no point in arguing. "All right. Father knows best, I guess."

Isshin smirked again and looked at the ground, overcome with an intense need for a smoke.

"Is she ready to go? I told Hitsugaya to be ready in the next day or two."

"She'll be ready. Best to rip the bandage off quickly, I think."

"Her identity has been secured, but a few higher up know who she is. They have assured me your saga will remain secret. She will be just another shinigami academy student; no special treatment, no acknowledgement of the powers that were her birthright..."

"Except for her 10th Division accommodations, that is."

He nodded. "Except for that, yes, but even that has been kept under wraps. We can't have every student claiming entitlements and desiring to live it up in the cushy division barracks, now can we? It just wouldn't be fair."

"That's how she'd want it."

Urahara said, adjusting his hat absentmindedly, "Well, my friend, I'll leave you to your contemplations. Remember, don't think too hard."

Isshin nodded as he watched Urahara head back down the street, but the man in green stopped and said over his shoulder, "You know, Shakespeare's fools are often his wisest characters. Even your son will pick up on your act eventually. I'm surprised he hasn't already, what with all the reading he does."

"Point taken," Isshin acknowledged. He sighed and looked up to his house, to his family's home. So much had changed; so much had slipped through his fingers over time. They weren't all bad changes; some were natural, just another part of life and "growing up." He'd lost his wife, gained a daughter, now he had a grandson. Oh, and there was that whole "becoming human" thing; couldn't forget that. He tried not to let the thought that he was about to lose Karin, too, encroach on him; he wasn't _losing_ her, he was letting her find herself. It wouldn't be forever. _It won't be forever. _"In time," he said. It was a promise.

* * *

**Eiji: pronounced AY-jee...just clarifying**

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	10. Transition

**Neither Bleach nor its characters belong to me**

**Enjoy**

* * *

"Faith and doubt cannot exist in the same mind at the same time, for one will dispel the other." -Stephen L. Richards

* * *

Her bags were packed. Her room was clean. She was ready to go.

But she wasn't.

Karin sighed. Her life had been shoved into two suitcases...and she wouldn't even be bringing them with her. They had planned it all out for her: she was to say goodbye to her family at home, get in the car with "Hitsugaya-san" to head for the train station--she still was unsure as to whether Toshiro could even drive, and it left her slightly frightened--but instead they'd double back and go to Urahara's, where her body and luggage would be "kept safe" until she visited the world of the living again. In theory, it would work perfectly.

"_Theory_" being the key word.

It was all beginning to look a bit sketchy.

Ichigo knew already; Urahara and Yoruichi had told him. He was pissed but there wasn't much he could do about it without causing a scene. Besides, Rukia was on her side on the matter and, at least for right now, what Rukia wanted, Rukia got. Domestic bliss had returned to their home with the arrival of their son. His knowing did take a huge weight off her shoulders, though; at least he wouldn't come barreling through the academy, waving his massive sword around like a steak knife, lost in a fog of brotherly protectiveness looking for her.

Her dad? Yeah, he would definitely fall for it. She wasn't worried there.

It was Yuzu she was worried about. If there was even a _hint_ of something fishy occurring, she'd just sidle up to Jinta and bat her eyes at him and sweet talk the ploy out of the redheaded weasel. Karin could see it playing right out in her head. Then she'd be done for.

She was beginning to stress. She took a deep breath, trying to calm down. She almost couldn't grasp the fact that she was really leaving, that, very soon, she'd be in Soul Society, in Seireitei.

She swallowed.

There was still a lot that she felt needed to be addressed. Would her dad and sister really be okay without her? Would she be able to manifest her Zanpakuto even though she had been unable to do it in the world of the living? Would her powers even be good enough to fit into the academy, to reach what it expected of her?

_Damn_...

She fell back onto her bed and stared blankly at the ceiling.

The question she was purposefully choosing not to address was that of Hitsugaya Toshiro--oh, that's right, _Captain_ Hitsugaya Toshiro (heaven forbid she get his title wrong)--currently both the bane and the zenith of her existence...and she hated him for that. She hated that her heart rate spiked when his turquoise eyes--those bright, brilliant, keen orbs--caught and held hers. She hated that all air seemed to be vacuumed from her lungs when he appeared suddenly or was anywhere near her. She hated that she was thinking about him this much, that she thought about him _at all_.

"Karin!" her father hollered from downstairs.

She got up to head down, but her bedroom door burst open and her father entered in all his dramatic glory.

"Don't you knock, old man?" she demanded, slightly irked.

But he ignored her comment and enveloped her in a suffocating embrace. "Oh, my sweet, sweet, _sweet_ Karin! What is daddy going to _do_ without you!" he cried, tears the size of swollen raisins falling like rain from his eyes. "You're going off and leaving me, like your brother did, _all alone_-"

"Hey!" Yuzu said from the doorway. "_I'm_ still here."

"Dad, let go," Karin said, pushing against her father's chest, but it came out muffled and muted as he had her in a firm headlock. Normally, she would have just punched him in the gut or stomped on his foot, but she knew at least a fraction of this act was real: he _would_ miss her. And she would miss him. And Yuzu. And Karakura and her friends. She'd miss...a lot.

But she knew she needed to do this, she needed to go.

She relaxed and patted her dad's back. "I'll visit soon, I promise," she said.

He leaned back and took her face in his hands, looked down at her, a fatherly gesture. He pouted a bit. "My Karin; all grown up, heading out on her own..."

"Dad," she said, her face growing red. Her father was so rarely serious she secretly loved the moments that he was, when he was her father and not her _idiot_ of a father.

"...and she'd going off to be with that handsome--but not as handsome as Daddy--doctor and soon I'll have more grandchildren and, oh!" he cried, throwing his arm over eyes dramatically, "Masaki, forgive me!"

She pushed harder, now more than slightly irked. So much for the serious version of her father. "Knock it off, Dad. Don't be stupid," she said, but she didn't really want to talk about Toshiro. She'd have to deal with him soon enough.

He wiped at his eyes and sniffed. "He's downstairs in the car...r-ready t-to go, t-to take my baby a-away!"

"All right." She drifted past him and reached for Yuzu's hand. Over her shoulder, she said, "Careful with my luggage, Dad."

Her dad went off on something about being "abused" and "mistreated" as she and Yuzu headed downstairs, arm in arm. They didn't exchange words; they didn't need to. This was one of those twin moments that required no spoken communication and drove their father crazy. Yuzu squeezed her hand and Karin could see she was trying really hard not to cry; she squeezed back.

She heard her father drop her luggage and stumble down the stairs as she stepped outside. She sight of Toshiro--hands in his pockets, leaning nonchalantly against the side of the car, staring off into the distance like someone straight out on an old black-and-white Rat Pack film--made her heart skip a beat. She managed to recover quickly, and drew attention away from her involuntary shudder by tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. No one seemed to notice, and she sighed in relief.

Yuzu grabbed her by the shoulders and made eye contact. "You...you'll be careful, won't you?"

Karin smiled softly and grasped Yuzu's shoulders. "Of course."

"And you'll call, when you get there and...just because?"

"Of course."

Yuzu's lower lip shot out and she pulled Karin in for a tight hug. "I'll miss you," she whispered.

Karin hugged her back and said, "I know. I'll miss you, too."

Yuzu had promised herself earlier that she wouldn't cry in front of Karin, she wouldn't make this harder for her. So she pulled back and forced on a smile. "I love you," she mouthed, squeezing her sister's hand one more time.

"Love you back," Karin mouthed in response.

Donning her motherly glare, Yuzu turned to Toshiro. "If anything happens to her..." she started.

He stood and straightened. Karin seriously thought he was about to say, "You'll what?" He did not like to be told what to do despite following Soul Society rule to the t without a word.

But he didn't. He looked down at Yuzu and promised solemnly, "I'll protect her no matter what." And that seemed to satisfy her.

Karin's mouth fell open a little.

Yuzu nodded once and stepped back.

Her dad finished loading her luggage in the car and slammed the trunk shut. Karin gave him a quick hug and he kissed the crown of her head. "Love you, princess," he said.

"Love you, too, Dad."

"Can we get moving already? We're gonna be late!"

Karin spun around at the sound of Ichigo's voice. He was leaning over the top of the car, hanging out the driver's side door. "What are you doing here?" she questioned.

He held out his arms. "I'm driving you to the _train station_, so you can go to _Kyoto_. What's it look like?" She heard the pointed clarifications in his voice and stuck her tongue out at him.

Isshin shook Toshiro's hand as she crawled into the back seat. She watched her father whisper something to Toshiro, whose eyes hardened in response, but he nodded once. Her dad looked serious.

Ichigo sat in the driver's seat and began playing with the radio.

When Toshiro got in, Ichigo started the car and they began to pull away from her childhood home. She waved at her dad and sister until they turned a corner and they disappeared from her sight. Then she sat back and sighed.

To say the silence that hung heavily in the car was uncomfortable would be an understatement.

Karin glared at the back of Toshiro's white head. "What did my father say to you?" she asked.

He looked at her over his shoulder. "What?"

"I saw him tell you something. What was it?"

He shrugged and looked forward again. "He just made me promise I wouldn't let you get into trouble."

She scowled but didn't say anything. She glanced at Ichigo, but he too was silent and kept his eyes on the road.

The drive to Urahara's was short, and said man was standing outside when they arrived. The whole thing was oddly somber; they filed out of the car and entered the shop without exchanging a word. And Ichigo was rarely, if ever silent to begin with. When she entered the shop, though, she smiled.

"Rukia," she greeted.

Rukia's eyes lifted from her son in her arms to meet Karin's, and she smiled, too. "Hey, Karin. You ready?"

Karin didn't answer but instead reached for little Eiji wordlessly. Rukia carefully placed the sleeping baby into her waiting arms. Karin cradled the boy to her close; she was still in awe of his...well, his baby-ness. He was tiny and adorable and had his father's unruly orange hair and, even though his eyes were sealed in sleep at the moment, his mother's deep, enchanting violet eyes. He was perfect.

She would miss him terribly.

"Don't forget your Aunt Karin," she whispered, pressing a soft kiss to his chubby cheek.

Rukia laughed. "I'm sure he won't. You'll see him, I promise. I promised Nii-sama we'd visit soon."

"Oh boy. We get to visit 'Nii-sama,'" Ichigo mocked, coming up beside his wife. Rukia continued to smile at Karin but elbowed Ichigo in the rib. It didn't even daunt him and he didn't really seem to mind. He put his arm around Rukia's shoulder and eyed his sister and son. Karin looked up at him and gave him a slight smile. His face was solid, unemotional, but she could see mixed feelings in his eyes.

"I'll be fine," she said, sounding a lot stronger than she really felt.

He smirked, a cocky, arrogant twist to his lips, and he pulled Rukia closer. "I know."

She shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"We ready?" Urahara asked.

Reluctantly, Karin handed Eiji back to his mother. "Take care of my brother, will you? Don't let him do anything too stupid."

Rukia hugged her and smiled--she seemed to be smiling a lot now. "I won't," she promised.

She turned to Ururu and gave her friend a quick hug. "Please take care of my body," she begged. "Don't let Urahara try any experiments on it."

Ururu giggled but assured her that her body would be safe.

She walked over to Tessai, who has his massive arms folded across his massive chest. "Well, it's been real," she said in a teasing voice, and she playfully punched him in the shoulder. "Thanks for healing me every time Yoruichi-sama kicked my ass."

He nodded once. "It was my pleasure, Kurosaki-chan."

She said goodbye to Ichigo last. He surprised her by enveloping her in a hug. "Be careful," he said.

"I will." She pulled back and threw a look over her shoulder. "Do me a favor and keep an eye on Yuzu and _that_ one for me," she said, indicating to Jinta who stood leaning against the doorframe.

He chuckled and gave her a knowing look. "Believe me, I've got that one covered."

She took another minute to look at her brother. She knew out of all the people in her family, she'd see Ichigo the most. Still...

Being a shinigami had changed Ichigo so much, she couldn't help but wonder how it would change her. Would she even get the answers she was searching for?

"If anyone gives you any trouble," he paused to think about it for a minute, "especially a weird old guy in a girlie kimono or a crazy man with spikes in his hair, an eye patch, and a pink-haired girl on his shoulder or a guy with white skin and crazed yellow eyes"--she thought the list would go on forever--"you just call me, and I'll be there. Actually, if any normal guys give you any trouble, you just drop my name and 'brother' in the same sentence and that should do the trick."

She eyed her brother and tried to contain her laugh of disbelief. Yeah, she'd do that. "Thanks..."

Urahara opened the senkaimon with Benihime then, without a word, severed her soul from her body. He had told her he would do that instead of using reishihenkanki as it would leave her body available if Yuzu ever chose to make a surprise visit to Kyoto.

"What, no soul candy?" she questioned, trying to sound peeved.

"No need," answered Urahara.

Suddenly, Toshiro, donned in his shinigami shihakusho--or, more accurately, sans gigai--was at her side, but she couldn't think of anything to say to him.

Urahara looked her in the eye and said, "Remember what we briefed you on. While you're traveling, remember to breathe."

She nodded.

"Okay," he said.

The doors of light slid open.

Toshiro held out his hand to her.

She swallowed and stared at it for a minute. It was ironic and seemed almost symbolic. _I _am_ choosing this_, she reminded herself.

She took his hand and wrapped her fingers around his. Her hand felt small, weak in his large, strong, _cold_ one.

"Don't let go of Hitsugaya-taicho's hand. He'll make sure you get there safely."

She nodded and looked at Urahara. "Thank you," she said simply. "For everything" was understood.

He lifted his hat and nodded in acknowledgement.

She took a deep breathe as Toshiro stepped forward and lead her through the doors, to her new life.

Karin squeezed his hand tighter as the darkness encroached.

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	11. Diversions

**Neither _Bleach_ nor its characters belong to me**

**Enjoy! **

**Some IchiRuki musings and fluff while Karin and Toshiro travel...**

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"[Love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." -1 Corinthians 13:8

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Urahara Kisuke turned away from where the door had just slid shut behind the two travelers. He looked at his young friend from beneath the brim of his striped hat. "Well Kurosaki-san, should I reopen it for you?" A smile gleamed in his eyes and danced on his lips.

The new father's eye twitched almost imperceptibly. "What?"

"I figured you'd be following after them, going to check in on her, right about," he looked at a nonexistent watch on his wrist with keen, precise eyes, "now."

Ichigo scowled harshly. "Get off my back, old man. I can wait at least a few wee...days before I drop in. I'll give her time to settle," he said, trying to sound magnanimous. Rukia laughed over in the corner of the room and his eyes flew over to glare at her. "Like you said, we'll probably visit _'Nii-sama'_ anyway."

"True," she said, rocking back and forth, her grin wide.

His gaze and scowl softened significantly as his eyes held his wife's.

"All right you two, all this lovey-dovey stuff is polluting my shop. You're scaring away customers."

"What customers? You never have customers."

Half shoving them out the door, Urahara slapped on his "handsome, lowly shopkeeper" facade, waving his paper fan wildly in front of his face. "Come on, come on, must get back to work! Busy day ahead. Thank you for your business," he sang, shutting the door unceremoniously behind them.

Ichigo grumbled inaudibly under his breath but helped Rukia tuck sleeping Eiji into his stroller.

They left Urahara's together, comfortably silent. The young man's pensive silence was not entirely unusual, but his wife could sense these moods coming before they even came upon him. It was that critical, self-deprecating nature of his; she was used to it, how easily it overtook him, even though she always quickly grew tired of it. In her eyes, he was the most self_less_ man she'd ever met, and nothing would ever change that fact. They had spent too many years together, been through too much.

She loved him too much.

"She'll be fine," she tried. She could sense his unease regarding Karin, but did not know if it was purely brotherly worry or something else. They were walking through the park, heading towards home. She pushed Eiji's stroller, and Ichigo was beside her, hands in his pockets.

He didn't respond.

Rukia sighed. She didn't want to lecture him...again. Although she'd never tire of encouraging him and building him up and slapping sense into him, sometimes she wished he could see himself the way she saw him.

Her eyes shot up when she felt his hand on her waist, when he tugged her closer to him. His eyes, beneath the harsh lines of his signature scowl, looked straight in front of them, but the corners of his mouth were pulled into a half smile. "I know," he said.

She rolled her eyes at the assured cockiness present in his voice.

He took hold of the stroller handle and wheeled it off the path; she followed closely behind. He stopped at a clearing behind some bushes and, after peaking in at his sleeping son, took Rukia's hand and tugged her down to lay in the grass beside him. She cushioned her head on his chest and wrapped her arms around his torso, enjoying the feeling of the sun on her skin and the rhythm of his heartbeat in her ear and their proximity. The sky was almost an abnormal shade of blue, and she sun was warm without being hot. The grass was soft beneath them. How she cherished these moments of peace. For the longest time, she feared they would never be able to be together, that there would always be some war needing soldiers, some mission needing completion. Now, however, she found she could breathe easily.

After a minute, he whispered into her ear, "What's the academy going to be like? For her, I mean." He took her hand and kissed her palm.

How was she supposed to answer his question with him distracting her? Without opening her eyes, she said, "It's better than high school, I can tell you that." She smiled to herself, comparing the two extremely different experiences in her head. "It's not terrible. Traditionally, it is a six year study, but Karin will be admitted as a second year student, at least. She'll be taught to control and utilize her Spiritual Energy, as well as the techniques Hakuda, Hoho, Kido, and Zanjutsu...but that last one she knows decently, as well. They'll prepare her for the general duties of a Shinigami, mostly."

"And then what?" He kissed each of her fingertips softly.

"Well, really it's up to her. She can apply to join the Gotei 13, if she wants, or she can simply...return home."

"You say that last part as though she won't choose it."

She shrugged. "I don't know," she stated honestly.

"You stayed here." He squeezed her hand.

"But I had a reason to stay here." She squeezed back. "I had _you_."

He mulled that over silently, pleased and put out at the same time. She had him there.

She bit her lip absentmindedly, deliberating, before braving her next statement. "She might find a reason to stay there."

He didn't grow immediately angry as she had expected him to, but she noticed his jaw clench. "She can make her own choices, I guess." At least it wasn't some crack about white-haired children. "She always has."

They were silent for a moment more before he said, bitterness evident in his voice, "He broke her heart, you know."

"I remember full well; I was there. But you must remind yourself that _she_ has a clean slate; _she_ does _not_ remember. You should also remind yourself that two hearts were broken that day, not just one."

He squirmed at the truth in her words. "Do you think she blames me?"

Rukia cocked her head to look up at his face. "'Blames' you? For what?"

Ichigo shrugged once. "For 'waking her dormant shinigami powers'...however Urahara phrased it...whatever. Just, it's my fault she-"

She shoved his chest. "_Not_ your fault. Stop blaming yourself, already; sometimes your altruism is tiresome," she said; meanwhile, he absentmindedly caressed a long, white scar on her wrist. A deep sigh escaped her chest. She hesitated, then said, "If anything, she blames herself."

He asked incredulously, "Why would she blame herself? She hasn't done anything."

"Or I guess she _would_ blame herself--if she ever remembers." He opened his mouth but she continued, "I know she's your sister, that you'd defend her to the death in every sense, but it is her fault she-"

"It wasn't her fault-"

"It was! It certainly was not his fault! She told him to leave and never come back and he did as she asked. It was not his fault she followed him and-" She saw the stoic, resigned look on his face and stopped. Realizing she wasn't helping, she buried her head in his chest and sighed. She whispered, "It was _no one's_ fault. It was an accident."

She drew circles into the soft material of his shirt as they sat in silence and he twirled her long raven hair around his fingers.

"Karin is smart and capable, much like her brother; she will do...well in Soul Society," she assured.

"'Well,'" he scoffed.

A knowing smile grazed her lips. "I guess she _is_ a Kurosaki; perhaps 'well' is an understatement."

Rukia began to think about her son, and what his future would hold. Already he had many expectations to live up to as both a Kurosaki as well as the Kuchiki family heir; she didn't want him to have that pressure, but it was already his. She wanted him free to make his own choices, decide his own future, like Karin had been able to. She also wished she wasn't worrying about her son's future already.

"She'll be all right."

She rolled over and laid in the crook, the protection, of his arm. She felt him shift beside her and when she opened her eyes she found him leaning over her. His face looked troubled, his brow was furrowed.

"Are you," he began, obviously struggling with words; he licked his lips, "are you...happy? Are you...glad you stayed?"

Rukia was _very_ tempted to slap him. How dare he question her, especially when they had chosen _each other_; it wasn't a one-way street. "Are you nuts?" she instead whispered, digging her fingers into the collar of his crisp, white shirt.

"I'm serious. Do you wish you had--or at least we had--stayed in Soul Society?"

"Are you nuts?" she repeated. Then she sobered and propped herself up on her elbows so their lips hovered mere centimeters apart. Their eyes locked and they shared each other's souls. "You are crazy, to think I would rather be anywhere but here with you. Do not ever doubt what we have ever again. 'Location' does not matter. You're crazy if you ever thought that it did. We could live on the moon...or in Hueco Mundo, for all I care. I only live for you--for us--now. I don't need _anything_ else." She tugged him down and his lips claimed her own, and she backed up the sincerity of her words in the kiss. His hands travelled up and down her sides and she anchored herself right with her arms snaked tightly around his neck.

Eiji began to cry.

Ichigo broke the kiss abruptly, then sighed into Rukia's neck. She stroked his wild hair gently. _So much for peace. _They held each other for a moment longer before Ichigo tugged the stroller closer to them and lifted up his son. The baby immediately stopped crying, as if his father had a magic touch._Perhaps he does._

Rukia sat up, too, and attempted to smooth down her own disheveled hair. She eyed her husband, sitting cross-legged and cradling their son. She could not help but smile, amazed that a month ago she had been mad at him--really for no tangible reason--enough to throw all of his clothes out of their bedroom window, and now...

He looked up and saw her grin. "What?"

She shook her head and knelt in front of him. Stroking her son's soft hair, she was overwhelmed with love for these two men in her life. Her violet eyes lifted lazily to meet his amber ones. "I love you." Her voice was steady, sure, sincere.

"I love you, Mrs. Kurosaki."

Pushing thoughts of Karin and Toshiro and Soul Society and everyone else out of their minds, they sealed their promises with a gentle kiss.

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	12. Tight

**Disclaimer: Neither Bleach nor its characters belong to me**

**Sorry it's taken so long to update!!! It drives me nuts when I have the piece sitting right in front of me--my fingertips are itching to finish it, or at least finish a chapter!--but there's so much other stuff to be done! It's crazy. I promise to try and get on a regular updating schedule. Thanks for sticking with it and for all the reviews and encouragement!**

**Now, back to the story. Enjoy!**

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"A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts." -Steve Fergosi

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Time passed quickly for Karin. Traveling with Toshiro, she had started struggling for air; the darkness was too much. But before panic could completely take over, she'd felt Toshiro's strong arm encircle her waist reassuringly.

Then the darkness dissipated, and the light that ensued blinded her. His grip on her waist tightened, as he could sense her panic and discomfort, until she felt her feet touch solid ground again.

She could breathe again.

The room they ended up in was unfamiliar--but then it would be, wouldn't it? It was sparsely and plainly decorated and reminded her of old world Japan. She hadn't believed Ichigo's descriptions but apparently he had been serious.

"Taicho!"

Karin turned at the sound of the high-pitched squeal and quickly moved out of the way as a, um, shapely woman tackled Toshiro. He looked slightly annoyed as she wrapped her arms around his torso, trapping his arms, and squeezed tightly.

"That's enough, Matsumoto."

"But _Taicho_," she whined, "I've missed you."

Karin watched as something resembling fondness entered Toshiro's turquoise eyes; she noted he didn't push the woman away.

The blond woman pulled back, looked up at her captain for a moment, then swiftly descended on Karin. Her eyes grew wide and she looked _very_ excited. "Kurosaki Karin! I'm so glad you're finally here!" she said, snagging Karin in a tight embrace.

Karin's eyebrows shot up and she looked at Toshiro over the woman's shoulder, but he just shrugged. The woman pulled back. "Don't you remember me?" she asked, brows and face scrunched.

Karin looked into the woman's glass blue eyes, hoping for a trigger. Nothing. She smiled sadly. "No, I don't. I'm sorry."

"Aw, I was hoping...oh well. I am Matsumoto Rangiku, Vice-captain of the 10th Division," she offered smilingly. The woman was very sincere. Blunt. Karin couldn't put her finger on exactly why, but she immediately liked her.

"Nice to meet you, Matsumoto-fukutaicho," Karin said and nodded once.

Matsumoto furrowed her brows. "No need for formalness, Karin. Call me Rangiku."

They were on a first name basis...or had been before, she guessed. Karin smiled but wondered how the two of them had been friends if she'd never been to Soul Society. Not even she and Toshiro were on a first name basis.

Toshiro cleared his throat and gave his vice-captain a look.

Matsumoto rolled her eyes and tugged on Karin's arm. "Ignore my captain. We're going for a tour of Seireitei. You can't expect to get around without knowing where you're going."

"Okay..." That...kind of made sense to Karin. "My stuff-"

"Taicho will take care of it. Don't worry, Karin. Your fate is safe in my hands."

Karin looked over her shoulder at Toshiro, her eyes half pleading, but she could have sworn his response was a slight smirk as he entered an adjoining room and disappeared.

_So much for protecting me_, she thought dully.

Matsu-_Rangiku_ dragged her through a large facility. Everyone was in uniform and doing their own thing, whether it was paperwork or kido practice. Karin could feel her heart beat faster. Would she fit in here? No one really paid her much attention, just an occasional, non-hostile glance, but still. If anyone found out she was, technically, still alive, would she be considered a-a what? A freak, maybe?

Or worse: what would happen if anyone found out she was Ichigo's sister?

She did not want to think about it.

"This is the common area, and the sparring space is down this corridor, and the dining hall is in here, and..." Rangiku continued but her voice drowned out as Karin's thoughts ran wild.

What was she doing here? This was crazy; this was a crazy mistake. _I do not belong here. I do _not_ belong here. What was I thinking? This-this is not my world_.

Karin vaguely noticed Rangiku drag her through an archway, but didn't fully realize where they were until she was pulled to the halt at the steps of a very large building.

"...and this is Shinoreijutsuin, the Shinigami Academy."

She took in the view with wide eyes, trying to absorb every detail.

"You'll get an official tour in a few days when you start class, but I figured you'd at least like to know where'll you'll be." She grasped her wrist again with a sturdy hand and began to tug Karin away again. "Now let's go find some friends, huh?"

Karin had no idea about whom the wild blond woman might be referring but she saw no advantage to objecting. She'd just get lost if she ran away.

It seemed like they walked a long time but they did not walk far. Rangiku chattered incessantly. They arrived...back at the 10th Division barracks? Had they really just travelled a huge circle?

"Renji!" Rangiku called.

Karin stopped dead in her tracks, tugging Rangiku to a halt. "Wait, where are we?" she asked.

Rangiku looked at her. "What? Oh, I'm sorry. These are the 6th Division facilities. They kind of all look the same, don't they?"

Before Karin could answer, the aforementioned redhead entered from an adjoining room. "Rangiku, what are you-" he stopped when he spotted Karin, and he smiled. "Hey, kid."

She smiled, relieved to see a familiar face. "Renji," she sighed.

He hugged her and ruffled her hair. "Heard you were on your way. Rangiku dragging you around Seireitei?"

Rangiku huffed, planting her hands on her hips. "I did not _drag_ her anywhere, I was just showing her around. She can't be sticking out, you know. Maybe we can present her as some obscure noble; she'll never pass as a soul from Rukongai."

Karin turned to her. "Why not?" she asked, her brows furrowed.

Rangiku shrugged and tossed her long hair over her shoulder with a practiced skill. "It doesn't matter. You just need to know your way around."

"I hear you're staying in the 10th Division barracks instead of the academy dormitories," Renji stated.

"What? I am?" Karin questioned.

"Yeah, but it's no big deal," Rangiku said, elbowing Renji in the ribs mid-sentence. He grunted but rubbed his side without saying anything.

Karin folded her arms across her chest and scrunched her brow as she peered at the two of them. "Why?"

Rangiku's expression became overly innocent-looking and she held her arms out helplessly. "It's not required for students to live in the dormitories. Some live at home if they live nearby. We just thought it would be...easier for you if you stayed with family. It was a big enough transition already."

"But...my family isn't here," Karin stated pointedly.

Rangiku's expression fell a little. "Well, you and taicho...and you and I..._we_ were...like sisters," she admitted sadly, but she still smiled remembering it. It was the first thing she'd said all day that hadn't oozed of sweetness and optimism.

Karin swallowed and whispered raspingly, "Oh."

Rangiku looked away from her and shrugged, her lips pursed.

"She's right; it's not a big deal that you don't live in the dormitories. You'll probably have a nicer room in the barracks, plus you get to hang out will cool shinigami when you're not in class. All the other kids will be jealous." Renji spoke as if she were about to start her first day of kindergarten.

"Oh yeah? And who are these 'cool shinigami' you refer to? I hope you're not talking about yourself," Rangiku laughed. "Come on, let's get something to eat. I'm starved!"

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Karin found herself in a bar-like restaurant outside Seireitei's wall, surrounded by strangers; friendly strangers, but strangers none the less. Rangiku had gone around the table introducing her--or, in some instances, _re_introducing--but she didn't remember names. It was a little...awkward, on her part, at least. They were all already friends, and she felt like the new kid; they were all her brother's friends, too. It didn't help that she felt out of place in a bar, still considering herself to be underage, even though Rangiku offered her sake as if it were water and they were all stranded in the middle of a desert.

Renji was friendly and attempted to include her in conversation, but he had always been Ichigo's friend; she had never really considered him to be hers.

"Come on, Rangiku, if the kid doesn't want to drink, she doesn't have to drink."

"Aw, don't be such a killjoy. I'm just trying to get her to loosen up. God knows her brother never does."

Karin sat there, in the corner of the booth, contemplating her future. Would she be that quiet girl who lived complacently in the shadow of her famous brother?

Hell. No.

"I," she said reaching for a glass of sake, ignoring the way all the eyes in the booth immediately flew to her face, "am not my brother." The warm liquid burned as it flowed down her throat, but it was a good feeling.

"Atta girl, Karin!" Rangiku squealed, downing her own glass.

The group ate and talked and talked and laughed all night, and Karin felt a little better and a little more welcomed and a little warmer with each glass she downed.

"I m go ing...bath room," she managed, attempting to stand. The minute she slid out the booth and her feet touched the floor, however, her stance and balance wavered. She reached in front of her to try to right herself, but there was nothing there to grab.

"Whoa," Renji said coming up behind her, steadying her with hands at her shoulders.

"I am fi ne," she tried, but she leaned heavily into his grasp. Her vision was fuzzy and she squinted against the soft light that filled the bar.

"I don't think so. We're gonna head out guys," he said to the half of the table that was still conscious. He still got no response. He and Karin managed to stumble to the door before she lost her footing completely.

"All right," he said, scooping her up like a rag doll. "I've got ya."

She mumbled incoherently and drifted out of consciousness in his arms.

Renji walked through the silent, dark streets, and sighed, unable to decide which to hope for more: that Ichigo would not find out about his underaged baby sister getting drunk with his so-called friends her first night in Soul Society, or that she wouldn't barf all over him.

_Ichigo's gonna kill somebody. As long as it's not me..._

"He's a liar," she mumbled.

Renji chuckled and looked down at her face. "What?"

"Yup. A liar. He said--but he didn't--and I don't care, so there." She bobbed her head once, her eyes closed.

"Are you a poet, Kurosaki-chan?" he asked the drunk girl teasingly.

She laughed and hiccuped at the same time. "Nope. And neither is Toshiro."

Renji froze. "What?"

Karin pressed her forehead against his chest.

"What?" he repeated.

"I _said_," she snapped, "I don't want fish! _Gosh_!"

Renji rolled his eyes and continued to walk, only half-dismissing her comments as the ramblings of a drunk. As he approached the 10th Division barracks, he noticed the captain waiting--apparently anxious--near the entrance. He stood when he spotted them.

"What happened?"

He eyed the younger man a moment. "She's all right. She just had a little too much too drink."

Hitsugaya pressed his palm to his forehead and sighed. He motioned for Renji to follow him in and led him to Karin's room. The redhead laid the girl on her mat and followed the young captain back into the hall, fearing the licking he knew was coming.

The tall young man's scowl was set hard, and his arms were folded tightly across his chest. He took a deep, calming breath before asking tersely, "Where's Matsumoto?"

"Back at the bar. She, ah, fell asleep."

His jaw clenched and Renji could have sworn a blizzard was about to blow in.

He wisely remained silent.

Turning around, Hitsugaya said over his shoulder, "You are dismissed."

"Yes, Hitsugaya-taicho." Renji began to leave, beginning to consider himself lucky he was still alive.

"Abarai-fukutaicho."

Renji tried not to flinch when he turned back. "Yes, Captain?"

"Keep this to yourself. I will not be responsible if Kurosaki finds out."

Renji sighed but was only slightly relieved. "Yes, Captain."

Hitsugaya returned to his office, his haori billowing behind him. He finally let go the angry breath he'd been holding in once his office door slid shut behind him and cold air swirled around him in agitated rushes. He punched his desk and ignored the sickening sound of the wood splintering beneath his white knuckles. The ink bottle toppled over, sending black blood over his paperwork, onto the tatami mats covering the floor. He wanted-_needed_ to punch something else, but it was late; he'd have to wait.

He'd leave the mess for Matsumoto. It would be the least of her worries.

The sky was dark, he noticed, as he passed back through the breezeway. There were no stars, and there was only a half-moon out. He stopped outside her room, listened for her steady breathing. It was interrupted by a clogged snore and he heard her shift beneath her bedding. His fingernails dug into the doorframe until a dull ache began to travel up his arm.

Is this what her presence would do him from now on? Late, restless nights, waiting up, worrying like...like...what exactly? Even he wasn't sure yet.

"_No!_" Karin stated curtly, resolutely, and Hitsugaya froze.

Carefully, he slid open her door a crack, feeling like a real bastard._ She'll probably throw a shoe at me if she's awake._

She wasn't awake. In the slit of pale moonlight, he could see Karin curled up tightly, covers kicked off of her. Her hands dug into the futon, and her face was scrunched.

"No," she said again, and Hitsugaya's brow furrowed. She was having a nightmare? That didn't sound...right. At the same time, he didn't know what he should do. Should-should he wake her? That didn't sound right, either.

She rolled over again, pressing her face deeper into her pillow. "I said no. I don't want any fish," she mumbled half-coherently, her voice growing softer as she resettled. "I'm not hungry."

Hitsugaya allowed himself to relax momentarily before rolling his eyes and shutting her door. He massaged the bridge of his nose, bating back his frustration. He knew this wasn't going to work. She hadn't even been here a day and already his nerves were raw and frayed. He hadn't been this on-edge since her brother had been deemed a ryoka and that whole affair with--

No, he wasn't going to think about that, either. He'd come up with a solution to this problem in the morning, he decided, stalking to his room. He slid the door shut with more force than he intended, and it rattled in its frame. The room echoed his quiet fury in the stark darkness.

He closed his eyes and sighed, knowing sleep would be out of his reach this night.


End file.
